Confessions of a serial gamer
moran / Inward / CPU
confessions of a serial gamer
elfh> Just afew of us have a
courage to confess in pernicious
passions even to yourself. And
especially have a strive to find
causes and ways to escape. Moran
have a power to try ...
Why I'am playing
A lot of people are addicted to something that enslaves them.
Someone drinks harmful liquids, someone is smoking and eating
plants, that are bad for his health, while I'am
playing. Unable not to play, and
this often opresses me. It steals
my time, my sleep, my life, and
I'am afraid to say it - my soul.
That happened frequently - at the
morning, crawling out of my pc, laying on a soft sofa, looking
at beautiful rising sun, I thought - how could it be: it is so
gentle and mild here, and I'am suffering,
gritting my teeth being with a virtual opponent, who posessing
me in a thoroughly learned game. Then,
of course, I'll sleep in the most
pleasant, worm and bright time of
day ... And do you know, what is
the most terrible? Conscience! It
gnaws me and tells - 'Why?! .. Why
did you killed your time in vain!
You could create something, go for
a walk or clean-up the room at
last. No! You have no time for
that, but there is a lot of time
for games. No family, no work, no
aspiration ... ' Did you had such an
experience - you close your eyes
before going to sleep, and there
are landscapes ... and voices of
characters of the game you are playing now? How I could come to
this? Maybe it is the curse of the
universe made me run away from
myself to those micro game worlds,
maybe the lack of education, not
given me by parents, brought me to
this abyss of game consuming? But
I think, it is just my laziness
that doesn't give me ability to
express myself in a things, disposed to order. What for am I
playing? Let everyone who is similar to me in that, asks
yourself too. And decides for yourself. After
thinking a while, I have made a decision for myself ... Most
likely, playing games, ruling imaginary
characters, solving their fates
and aspirations, I want to be similar to God. Exactly Him.
Because everyone, who is looking for a power upon someone, even
assumed, wants to steal the right to determine fates and be a
microgod for some, even very little, time. I
think, human power is vile, and
there is sublime right, the right,
He gave for men, the right to create and be like Him. Probably,
this is just apathy and depression
gnaws me, it is far too easier to
start play a game and go the way,
pointed by someone else, than try
to find it by yourself. But maybe,
everything is not so bad ... For
example, I'll try to create something interesting, in spite of
laziness, that is to be known a
contagious illness. So, I think I
have found an exit for myself, and
that is desirable to follow it, I
will create things, that is ennoble the world, less laziness
and become more deep in it - then I'll survive and run away
from the curse, threatening over me. Try to
find an exit, that will help you,
I already found it. Bye.
07.04.2004
moran / Inward / CPU.
