(R) Ice'Di Griz / Triumph:
----------------------
METAMORPHOSIS
- "The findings of the Commission -
read aloud to the Director -
drunkenness in the team took
catastrophic proportions, with the
last month issued a marriage
at 1033 rubles, two people
missing, one had fallen into
lethargy. "Yes! ..
Nothing can be done - should be
start the fight. And then for it,
you know how can ...
- We Ignatov in this
year in the Altai rested -
Deputy remembered. -
Says, took some ointment
against alcohol.
- Call - ordered the director.
- Ignatov! - Ignatov entered directly, as if waiting for
door. - Show off.
Ignatov got a jar of
ointment:
- And here it is. From Tibet
was taken a hundred years ago. Recipe
lost. Smeared hands - sledgehammer
hold, and glass slides.
- Come on, try -
commanded the Deputy Director.
Deputy lubricates hands
ointment. Director pulls out
cupboard a bottle of brandy, pours into the glass in another
glass pours water from a carafe. Deputy takes a glass of water,
keep in the air, put in place. Trying to take a glass of
brandy-glass slides.
- Let me - Requests
Director.
- Saving should be - not
agrees to give the bank
Ignatov. - And you all do not
enough ... You shake hands with him,
it is transmitted.
Deputy shakes hands
Director, he tries to grab a glass of brandy - unsuccessfully.
The Director and Deputy chase on the table glass.
- The wonderful thing! -
Director praises.
- And there was no smell! -
brags Ignatov.
Director sniffed his hand: -
Fine.
- Most importantly - it does not erase, - says
Ignatov.
- What do you not? -
Director of the handkerchief, wipes his hands, trying to
take a glass, the glass slides.
Deputy rubs his hands on
pants, trying to take a glass,
glass slides. Deathly
silence.
- How to live now? - In
horrified whispers Deputy ...
Visiting day
In anticipation of receiving all
broke into small groups and
lively conversation between
themselves.
- Do not tell me today
will receive? - Asked by entering,
well-dressed man with a
portfolio of intelligent
woman sitting on a bench with
edge.
- It is safe to say
impossible, but there is hope.
- What, no boss?
- Not yet, but yonder
comrade, who by his entree,
says it will be necessary.
A well-dressed looked at
lucky in bright nylon jacket, which entree to
own boss, and sighed with envy:
- Lucky people. Everywhere
what they regard ... And what did not, what then?
Half-day prozhdesh - and in vain.
And my case.
- In all cases - a woman
shown on the decomposition of her
lap of the manuscript.
- I come for the third
again ... That God knows what!
- I'm in the fourth -
smiling woman - here
many do not like the methods
work chief.
- You must write!
- Where?
- Where it is necessary.
- It will not help.
- Why? We have a lot, and he
one.
- Exactly. He is one, and
We have a lot.
- Go! - Suddenly said,
someone.
Everyone froze.
Chef walked through the waiting
slowly and it is important. Graciously shaking hands with those
who humbly say "hello." Suddenly threw a contemptuous glance at
the older person:
- What is it?
He wilted just happened to be involved
his shoulders, lowered his eyes
dale - at his feet was
string bag with quarters.
- Diced not take! -
and cast a cursory glance at
briefcases, bags, backpacks
the rest were waiting for -
necks sticking out everywhere. -
Tara's not.
Zamotayev
In the room the two women.
One of them puts the suitcase.
- I beg,
Abide in my place.
- Instead of you?
- Yes, my wife ...
- What do you mean?
- I assure you, he did
not even notice. Just two days ... I
the day after return. Y
parents' golden wedding. Not
I can not go.
- But ...
- Everything will be alright.
I swear ... - Soup on the stove
products - in the refrigerator. AND
Do not forget to wear my bathrobe -
escapes.
Girlfriend is left alone.
Disguised in a gown of his wife.
The bell rings. Included
crocked man.
- Hello.
- Hello.
A man sits at the table,
girlfriend confronts him
bowl of soup.
- Like it?
- Very ...
- Maybe more?
- How do you say? Add?
Man jumps from place
and runs to the phone.
- Sidorov? Add People
5 th object?
Returned to the table.
Girlfriend stares at
him.
- Look at me
good!
A man raises his eyes.
- Well? Looked ...
- Do you do nothing
notice?
The man stares.
- Yeah, recolor!
Darts off, running towards
phone.
- Sidorov? Do not forget to paint the walls ... In what
color? - Look at her friend's wife.
- The blond ... uh ... in
Yellow ... kindergarten yet.
Again sits at the table.
Girlfriend can not stand.
- Nightmare of some! Look more closely! Surely you did not
notice?
He turns to the man, he closely examines her from head to
toe. His eye stops at the legs.
- What am I an idiot!
Darts off,
runs to the phone.
- Sidorov? You trench
sleep? No! In the same cable in
We ...
Once again, looking at his feet.
- Yes, yes ... Absolutely
naked !!!..
Higher and higher
A large table covered with
folders and papers. Head
takes a folder from one stack,
discloses, intends to sign, but ponders closing folder lays
another pile.
Takes another folder
as freezes with uncertainly
pen ... Removes the phone
handset, dials the number.
- Simon Semyonich! Here here
What's that ... need advice. - Require urgent
sign. - To decide?
Clear.
Puts hand over the folder
and ... again moves the folder in
side.
Suddenly a voice says:
- Peter N.! Possible to
you?
Head lifts his head, looks at the door - no one.
It is making key peregovornika:
- Tamara! Me
no one allowed. I'm busy.
You hear a click and vote:
- As always, Peter N.. Mouse does not slip!
Head again taken for the paper.
And again a voice:
- Peter N.!
Head of the fear
looks around and sees ... hanging outside the window Ivanov.
Those with difficulty holding on to the cornice. Head rushes to
the window.
- Ivanov! What are you
doing?
- Visyu, Pyotr Nikolayevich!
I am to you visyu. The third month of my
paper you have.
- Crazy! Climb
soon! After the seventh floor!
Smash!
- No, Peter Nikolaevich.
While not impose a resolution -
not climbed.
- You think everything is so
just ... I will set and meet
who will?
- Who imposes, Peter
N., he is responsible.
- That's right.
But at this moment arm
Ivanova fell through, he had difficulty
rests on one. Ivanov
wheeze:
- And if you tear who
will be responsible?
Head rushes to
phone:
- Roman Ivanovich? No?
A week later? Thank you -
hangs up, looks back on
window. - Ivanov? Are you here? More
hold on a minute! I
Now ... quickly ...
Krupnozernistyypot
rolling on the face of Ivanov. But in
eyes - courage: this is
stay to the end.
Head back convulsively
tapping the phone:
- Simon Semyonich! This
Again, I ... sorry to bother you for nothing. Here here is the
question ... - Sees that Ivanov, the window is about to fail. -
Hang the son of a bitch! No, I'm not you! I wanted to know: if
I have a person with seventh floor fall through that
I will be? How much? Conditional?
No? Strict regime? Thank you
Simon S.!
Hangs up, frantically looking for paper Ivanov
table.
- We are now, darling, we
without red tape. That sign -
"Approved."
Goes to the window,
paper extends Ivanov.
He takes with one hand
paper with both hands, gently fold ...
The chief glass
eyes. Ivanov puts the paper in his pocket. A friendly smile
supervisor.
- Thank you Grandfather, for efficiency.
We see that Ivanov is
in the cradle lifting machine.
- Vasya!
Leaned out of the cab driver.
- E-hey!
- Now come on, dui in
minesterstvo!
Cradle slowly zooms out
from the window ...
VICTIM OF HOSPITALITY
Multi-storey building was burning
multi-colored windows. Heard the merry shouts, ringing
glasses, and music. One
In short, the coming New Year.
By the entrance of the house smartly
flew up the Volga. The driver pulled out a list, scanned,
anxiously told his passenger - Santa Claus:
- Twenty-flats ... Well,
in the pace of business -!
Young Grandfather Frost jumped
out of the car and ran to the staircase.
The door was flung open. Grandfather Frost smiled and
said:
- I'm Dead Moroz, children
gifts brought!
Grandparents
parents and their children happily
looking at the fabulous guest.
- And how children behave?
- Asked Grandfather Frost. - Dad, Mom listen, semolina gruel
eat?
- Do not complain, do not complain - smiled Grandma.
Grandfather Frost got into the bag and
got gifts in the crispy
cellophane. Stunned children
silent joy.
- Happy New Year! - Said
goodbye to Grandfather Frost and took
the door handle.
- Do not let go, do not let you go! - Cried my grandfather,
grandmother, parents and children. - Please to the New Year's
table!
- I can not thank you, -
said Grandfather Frost. - Must
hurry.
- Well, on track -
told the parents, giving
full glass of vodka. - And
pie a try!
Grandfather Frost could not hurt
hosts.
Opened the door to
next apartment. Grandfather Frost
he said, firmly articulating
letters:
- I'm Dead Moroz, children
brought gifts.
Adults and children with
interest to look at
Ded-Moroz.
- Dad, Mom listen to? Porridge
semolina eat? - Asked
Grandfather Frost, wide apart
feet.
- Listen! Eat! -
cried the children.
Grandfather Frost pulled out of the bag
gifts. It all made
a good impression.
- Penalty him! - Shouted adults.
- I can not! - Cried
Grandfather Frost.
But he stuck to the glass
vodka.
Then a carousel.
Quickly open the door
heard the clink of glasses and
Grandfather Frost did not resist ...
Grandfather Frost stood swaying at the last door.
Red pencil he scratched out a list of recent quarters.
The door opened.
- Do you know me? - Asked Grandfather Frost from owners of
the apartment.
- You - Grandfather Frost, all
brought gifts - confusion
told the hosts and visitors
per guest. Beard was
half cut off, tongue
braided.
- Correctly - said
Grandfather Frost and threatened them
finger.
- And how to behave
parents? - Asked Grandfather Frost
the little boy. - Kids
listen? Semolina gruel they eat?
The boy nodded in fright
head.
- For that I respect them and -
said Grandfather Frost and waved
hand. - Pour!
Stunned parents took up the handset.
Grandfather Frost came out of the house and sang: "Long
Road, yes night lunnoyu ...".
Appeared a police sergeant.
He gently took the Santa-Claus
the arm and led him to the car
with a red stripe.
- Fabulous job -
Sergeant smiled, revealing
door.
In the car, sleeping six
Grandparents Morozov ...
Without respect to
In the study of Stepan Petrovich is still Gorokhov.
- Stepan Petrovich, as you
look at it, if I do
at a meeting of some pokritikuyu?
- What is your head
climbed, peas?
- I need it for
authority.
- What credibility? About
What are you? You also have
solid reputation and a loafer
chatterbox.
- You know, Stepan Petrovich - coughed Gorokhov,
- If I do pokritikuyu, to me,
as brave, determined person can instruct the leadership
department.
- Who do you want it
instruct?
- Who? You.
Stepan Petrovich even
rocked with laughter:
- Ah, but then criticize.
You like.
- But, maybe you me
recommend?
- What else? - Sadly
Stepan Petrovich frowned.
- Items on which I
could you criticize. And even better - would have given you
me the text of my speech.
My criticism.
- You're crazy,
Peas! So that I'll still
texts written? Against itself?
- Agree with you
text me absolutely necessary, and I a hex ...
- Yes, that such and such?
- Let me touch on a
his critical remarks
weaknesses of our institution.
- Concerns. You were and are
its main drawback. Net
and lazy.
- Do you want to about the institution, I say to you
personally. On your own, so to speak, the intimate life. If you
are, of course, not mind ...
Stepan Petrovich immediately
ceased to dismiss. Carefully inspected Gorokhov,
tapped his fingers on the table.
- Yes, well. Man you are, I
I see intelligent, grasps,
somewhere, even daring ... May,
Actually, do you
department head?
- Well, then something I will definitely make a statement
at the meeting, - Lit Gorokhov, let all
learn the truth about you. About your
excellent business qualities,
of your recruitment! ..
