Surely, you had to deal with pC? Well, if you had
work with "wonderful" and "very robust" operating system
wINDOWS. I personally, have sex with her regularly since then,
when my brother I got me this great calculator.
So when I came across this
text, simply wrote boiling water with laughter
and pleasure. Of course there is a "but"
This material was taken from the publication of "CR".
We really tried to publish original material, but in this case
I decided to make an exception. Well, enough chatter.
(C) Maximum / INTEGER
Original Source - "CR" N6 for 1998.
How to PROPERLY kill Windows'95
For the third year is a severe, sometimes
bitter struggle between the human mind and the creations of the
human mind. Between us and Windows'95. And with that, and with
On the other hand there are some losses
But the confrontation is still ongoing, and we can not yet say
for sure - which one the parties will prevail. Initially, of
course, advantage was entirely on the side
Windows'95. This "operating system"
We drove all known her ways so that the epithets which we
bestowed upon it, it can be released in book form. However,
during the years of brutal struggle, we were smarter, more
cautious, and now she's just so we do not take it. More We have
already learned themselves mock over it, turning against it,
what she tried to beat us. So, how do
the right to torment us Windows'95?
The process itself can be divided into several stages:
1. Harassment during installation.
2. Izmyvatelstva in the boot process.
3. Sadistic actions during
work.
4. Torture, the use of technology
Plug and Play.
Now, about every detail:
Harassment during installation
Slowly remove the CD, on which
provides distribution Windows'95 (pan-European version).
Pick up a razor (you can take a blade of Freddy Krueger),
and gently bring the blade to the sectors with the
distribution. Take a few smooth moves blade without touching
the surface disk, and then we do not something to be fun ...
Changes in surface color drive from yellow to red will show you
Win that has already realized that he was dealing with a
professional. Next turn on "computer" Bring the disk to monitor
its working party. Make sure that the Win already admits
salivating with desire intimacy with this
"Computer", then slowly put the disk next to the monitor (the
monitor may be). Remove the disk from the OS / 2 and let Win it
clear that you want to install just the OS / 2, but not her.
Wait change the color of the disk (Win) on the green
(In Win it means that it is beside himself
anger) and then quickly remove the
OS in the table drawer, Win should calm down.
Remove DOS 3. 0 (preferably "firm"
IBM) pretending that you want to install it, after which a few
minutes you can enjoy the change of a rainbow on the drive Win.
Well, like everything, although more can be done
kind of like a disc with Win does not climb into your
CD-ROM, that it is also very annoying.
Next, insert the disk with Win in the CD-ROM,
erase all configuration files are DOS-Driver CD-ROM drive and
restart your "Computer." Further you need a few times
loudly enough to say:
"Where is my logical drive
CD-ROM go? Well! One has only to
CD with these windows to deliver, as soon
CD-ROM disappeared! Well, her! I'm not going to put it! I'd
rather the OS / 2 put! She, on the At least, CD-ROM does not
lose! ". If say it enough mocking
tone, then after a few minutes of CD-ROM
itself appears in the system ... If,
This look at the disk with Win, he
should be black. Next, run all files on the CD, but "setup. Exe"
, Saying thus: "Ah! Even the installer is not!" .
Wait, so you have a command
line itself appeared "setup. exe", and then maliciously drive
in its Back-space 'Th and continue their izmyvatelstva More
Ten minutes before the moment to CD
became purple. Then you can begin immediately the process of
installation. Wait for the window with the license
agreement and press the "NO" to
the moment after the button, Win
she will continue the installation process. Then
tick boxes with a list of
"CD-ROM", "Network adapter", "Sound
card ", then click" Next ", open the case your computer" and
pull all of this, of course if all this is a you, then enjoy
the reaction Win , Encouraging its bombing mocking
laughter!
When the list appears dvayverov, immediately replace the
"S3" to "Matrox Millennium ", saying:" Nothing
I know - I have a bill on the computer -
Matrox says. "Immediately after the installation is very little
good to play with the language: try first to place all
languages at once, then remove them all, then deliver only
the Japanese, then try to get "interface" in Hebrew, after
which will require from her Eskimo regional settings. If in the
"currency" will be "a frozen fish - this stage you were
successful. As background is best to use a mosaic of shashechek
with the words "Windows'95 must die! ". The best would be if
these shashechki you have made with the "help" vindousovskogo
"Paint". This will give a special atmosphere of bullying.
"Logo. Sys" should be replaced immediately on the picture with
labeled "OS / 2 loading the most hated
system - Windoze'95 ", after which the process
Installation is now complete ...
Izmyvatelstva during boot
To competently anger in Windows
boot process, should be "autoexec.
bat "cram as many resident programs such as" Calc "," Side Kick
"and etc. It is also desirable to have all these
programs have been writing in Pascal. For
swap - files, try to leave about
50Kb - this is somewhat entertained Windows
... Write a small rezidentik that every two minutes will remove
swap - Files and all files in the "TEMP" directory.
After each drop Windows will not let
it loaded in the Safe - mode, and select
mode Logged (\ BOOTLOG. TXT), to make herself write down all
stages of their disgrace in this file. Good results are
obtained as the mode of Step-by-step confirmation, which should
prohibit the loading of the most important drivers. Especially
Picante bullying is pulling out the memory of the computer. "
Leave this part there are 4 megabytes, Lift to read "War and
Peace" and sit a week or two next to the computer, waiting for
the start WinWord 'and, periodically cheering
Windows gentle words: "Well, Daniel, do not go stone flower?" .
Sadistic actions in the process
Here is the easiest way - DOS -
session. Do not hesitate to run in these
windows of any program! Collect only
products, which when running Windows
hangs perfectly still and try to cut in
at least once a day. Good results
also gives periodically run a special version of "aidstest"
(you can write it yourself), which after loading wrote: "Your
computer detected a virus wINDOWOZ'95. Proizvozhu treatment?.
You can also rename the "win. com" in the "dos.
com "and run it. The result will be
Windows tries to give birth to itself
Windows. Outwardly, it looks very
attractive and very persuasive. Particularly painful Windows
reacts to attempts to use it that MircoSoft / is not a mistake
/ For some reason called "multitasking" (even though
"dvuhzadachnostyu" call it something difficult). Start the
heels of Norton Commander 's and Each of them set up 70
megabytes to one logical disk to another. It is necessary to
shout loudly: "Come on!" Hurry! "Higher! Stronger!
Puck! Cool! Ver! Copies! ", Which Windows starts to frantically
rushing from one task to another, from swallowing the emotion
memory, comes to himself heels and elbows, and then one by
norton others fall out, shouting that "this
version of the NC is not designed to work with 8088
processor, "...
Torture is using the technology
Plug and Play
As I said earlier - this method is very sophisticated,
with the aid of his You can dobitsya fantastic results.
Windows can start with simple ones screaming
type discovered a strange and incomprehensible
error "," What the hell? Such errors
generally can not be! "and reach the phenomenal" I voobshe do
not understand what poishodit here's home phone number of Bill
Gates razberaytes to him yourself! "You all know the way
Windows itself to detect various external and internal devices,
and, if the device is found wrong, then explain to Windows,
which is actually found there may
only a technical specialist who
for many years worked in MircoSoft and fully assimilated the
spirit of a kind look of things that prevails in this firm. But
we Thin torturers of this "system", let
this manner for their own benefit ...
To begin to insert the ISA-slot LIMITED
some shawl from a Japanese TV.
Turn on the "computer". The reaction of Windows
usually unpredictable. I ran into
phrase: "Your computer was found
unknown device, but I'm currently connected to their drivers,
the device worked fine, "then on" computer "discover the new
logical drive, when trying to write to which appears the
phrase: "This type of media is not supported in this version
Windows'95. Ask your dealer to get the drivers for this device.
" Sometimes Windows pleased me a message
that "You have discovered video blaster brands
Sony, but the resolution of your monitor is not enough to work
with him! ". Once flashed message: "Your device is not Plug and
Play! To make it so, just remove it and reinsert. "However, for
a fee from TV's "Ruby" Windows has always reacted the same way,
saying: "In your the computer detected the starter
from Soviet intercontinental ballistic missile
air-to-earth, eternal rest! If you
law-abiding citizen, then turn
modem so that I could squeal on you
CIA! ". But with the standard devices, computer peripherals
Windows acted very peculiar.
Interested in their reaction to some more or less modern
computer motherboard, such as Sound Blaster AWE64. For the
first time I have it all to see any sound card (despite the
fact that the AWE64 - Plug and Play) for re-installation
she first tentatively found Sound
Blaster AWE32, then ran into Tsiferki 64, after which proudly
declared that: "Do you have a computer found two boards SB
AWE32". Well, with math MircoSoft have always been well ...
Installing an external CD-ROM, which connects via printerovsky
port, Windows has caused a lot of any moral torment. First, it
surely is going to to identify it as a printer (clear
stump - what else can hang on
printerovskom port other than the printer!)
provides a majestic phrase: "On your
Setup has detected a new printer
CD-ROM ", trying to install it under a single slave to her
soft, then hypocritically says that" This device can
significantly slow down the speed of your computer (although
actual speed of my computer "slows down only itself Window
'oza), then begins to interrogate the device,
getting back kicks on CD-ROM, which obviously does not want it
printed, and then issues a catchphrase: "I am here that is
trying to illegally give way, but I'm still fighting," the
result of which is the original hanging "the system": do not
run, except task list. I understand that this is her
jobs at home to ponder
their behavior.
This concludes my article,
I think that anyone would find Windows
for such flourishes, and I'm not alone in
the world those "people" who at the sight of the window
System Error call the company and cause
Specialist ...
Well, got udvoletvorenie?
And now look at a screen on this topic:
