(C) Davos
TALES OF CORPORAL DZHONLANA
The first story in which an old man
Dzhonlan shares memories of his grandson
his first job, and his grandson is sharing with
grandfather of beer ...
*
- Deed! - From the children heard a desperate cry - Come
here!
The old man Dzhonlan, the same Dzhonlan,
when a former corporal menacing "laser Platoon", sat in his
chair and shaking fumbling hands trying to sleep in
up grass. Heart-rending cry startled the old man's grandson
made - in up a certain number of herbs have been spilled on the
floor.
- Phew - Dzhonlan, adjusting the nose
Points displeasure spat on the floor and smeared spit foot.
- Father! - Yelled out again, baby
grandson - Man, come here! I can not beer
for you to haul! ...
- If beer is not going to Dzhonlanu, then
Dzhonlan comes to beer - muttered Dzhonlan.
Rising from his chair, the old man splashed into the
nursery. Grandson was sitting on a crate of beer and loud
screaming. After seeing his grandfather, the grandson of silent
and moved from the box on her knees grandfather.
- Granddaddy - said his grandson, my grandfather pulling
strongly for goat beard to his grandfather looked away from
beer and looked at his grandson, remember, you promised me
yesterday to tell about your youth? ..
- Eh?
- Well, we still had a contract, remember? I'll put down a
case of beer, and you Tales from my youth ...
- Remember, remember ... Give me a beer ...
- On ...
- Come on! ... Put the bottle! Mal
More !!!... Let not my, my! What a blunt ...
Dzhonlan took a swig from the bottle and
belched contentedly. Wiped his lips,
Dzhonlan put his grandson in a chair and sat down
on a stool closer to the box with the beer ...
- Well, so what are you gurgling? -
asked Dzhonlan a grandson.
Grandson smoothed his blue Hire
/ Acid, the time is! And yet, scoring a jamb,
puffed him. And bulknul:
- Well, about youth gruzani ...
- About the youth ... Well, listen ...
*
- That was long ago ... You, my grandson,
still in the draft was not ....
- Father, you are talking about? ..
- Do not bother! - Hissed Dzhonlan, plumb grandson
balabahu - I'm starting to ...
- Well, not leisure to listen to me this shit!
You gave about the war Tell me ..
- I, too, not to bitch ... Star has already
became ... Age is not the ...
- Well, my grandfather, on - all your beer ...
Come on ... - Grandson scratched his head and stared
expectantly at his grandfather.
- All mine? - Asked Dzhonlan -
Well then, listen. I'll tell you about their
first combat assignment ... But do not interrupt
me!
*
- ... Long time it was. Then
just received the title of Cpl. I think it was in 2459 ... But
it's not important. Rebound from the girls was not - remember
how Once the three of us podsnyali eight and ...
But this is the second time, now - about the war ... One day,
maybe night zapamyatvoval, I was awakened by a call
internal virtual communication - was summoned to the
headquarters of an important matter. I got off the virgins ...
Yes, I remember the night it was something ... Well, got off
the virgins, dressed, perfumed and thirty minutes later was in
headquarters.
"Corporal Dzhonlan," - told me my
boss - "You have one job. Freestuff!
"What, sir?" And give me a raise? " - I asked the boss.
Boss, Major, an old bald stump, looked me angry eyes and
hissed:
"You will be given four commandos! A rise ... you know the
constitution?"
Yes - I lied - "I know!"
"Do you know what happens when
Your boss calls you on a virtual
connection, and you at this time, crawl on a woman? "-
continues to drive my boss.
"Yes" - I say - "I do not know ..."
"What?" - Screamed my boss - "
For that matter - sex on duty -
You know, give the tower! Time-now
what? "
"Three o'clock in the morning - looking at their
clock, "I said.
"You fool!" - Exclaimed the boss
"We have declared martial law,
time terrorists, fuck! "
"I am a corporal" - "I said proudly.
"Here you have the rise!" - Smiled complacently my boss,
revealing toothless gums. - "You dragged me with Gross
violation of the charter, you light tower! Not only that, you
were automatically demoted in rank and file, but - good soul,
you are pardoned, and raised back to corporals. So that you
raise in advance. Heh heh ... "
Imagine, a grandson, I was broken off! I was angry, like a
thousand devils, and was ready to cut the boss of his fat neck
... But he restrained himself. Me, you know, are interested in
the job intrigued!
"And what kind of job, sir?" - Asked
I'm the boss.
"A sheer garbage" - short-waved
thick hand my boss - "In the remote mountain region dwelt a
maniac!"
You know, a grandson, I think so - each
one of us has such a tiny maniac. I
boss and blurted out ...
"Yes, you are just sexual pervert!"
again bawled my boss - "Smart people do not want to hear!
dragged from the girls and But you, head to say such nasty
things! Maniac! Yourself you maniac! "
Cooled down, an old stump continued:
"Well, this maniac - not sexual, mind you, but shibanuty!
He has a house in the mountains, surrounded by beautiful trees.
The underground hangars in his face nuclear missiles aimed at
strategically important sites. In the security guard at this
geek squad of battle droids. Well, in general, and everything
we know about him. "
I was silent and thoughtful. Or pretended
thought. Finally, it dawned on me that I
going to give at the mercy of some kind of maniac. I said:
"Oh Nooo ... It will not work ..."
"You mean it?" - Did not understand me
boss - still represents a riding on the girl? "
"No," - say - "I'm talking about your job!"
"Yes, spit you drive in!" - Said
Boss - "Do not be one as you go on a mission, in the end. But
you will four commandos - the coolest of our fighters
Detachment! Here, take a look-ka with them! "
The boss said something to the selector, and
at some time in his office tumbled four per board buhih
paratrooper. Zablevannye from head to toe, my future
subordinates have made me extremely repulsive. Looking at their
Hari, I realized that the boss of me again dashing
nabaral - these guys were neobstrelyannye
apprentices, saw it on their zablevanym
symbol "TRP-1.
"What is it?" - I asked the boss.
"Your people!" - Haughtily replied
I like it - "Commando. elite platoon of our party!".
My people, meanwhile, fell to
the floor and began to snore. From the pockets of their
kamuflyazhek sticking grenades and knife handles. Yes, but ...
"Get to know them" - the boss with difficulty managed to
climb from his desk and walked to the lying commandos.
Having turned one heel, the boss said: "It's Stone."
Brilliantly owns a knife and all kinds of weapons. "
Lyagnuv next, boss looked
on his unshaven face and said:
"Harris. Special to security systems.
Self-other, which he also owns a brilliantly
all kinds of weapons, such as small, so
and cold ... "
"This is Anderson, a sniper. And this
bruise - Turner, so a jack of all limbs. "- the boss went back
to the table," Now they are plunged into flyer, you think
themselves and get to it ... What's the matter? "
My jaw dropped ... I stood
like a fool, and look at lying in front
I pereblevavshihsya greenhorns ...
"Sir" - I said, with great effort, - "It's neobstrelyannye
greenhorns! "
"Nothing, nothing," - reassured me
Boss - "Seasoned, a matter of minutes!
Or are you embarrassed that they are drunk? Well, they
You can understand, "- the boss a short chuckle,"
The first task and all! Yes, do not worry you so long as the
fly, sober up !..."
*
Dzhonlan silent, buried in a bottle
with beer. Grandson shook his grandfather's shoulder:
- Grandfather, Grandpa, on something that was?
- More - Language Dzhonlana started
stagger slightly (half a box of beer
was already empty) - Next we were immersed in the flyer and
flew to the place of our landing ...
*
-... We flew quite quickly, just three days. As promised,
my boss, the landing site was inaccessible.
Everywhere are mountains and trees ... In general,
was lovely, but we were here, not in order
to admire the beauty of nature. Flyer hovered above the ground,
and the cab appeared disheveled turnip pilot:
"Come on, jump out! Arrived! .."
I looked down - until the land was
two meters, no less.
"What?" - I shouted to the pilot, in response,
"Krezanulsya, or what? Parachutes come on!"
Commandos also yelled in unison,
that we were given parachutes. But the pilot, a grandson,
was a cunning peasant - he bent
flyer, and we poured out of the hatch as a pea ... Okay, I
thought, to hell with him, with pilot something, then quits.
Flyer, splash of burning us, flew backward. Commandos, with
groaning, rose from the rocky ground and looked around. As I
have said, area was beautiful - mountains, forests ...
Freaks ...
I decided to take command of their
hands. Turning to the commandos, I said solemnly:
"Guys!" We were given an important task
fuck maniac chumandosa and his robots
well as disarm the vigorous head ... "
"What disarm?" - Asked
Stone.
"These heads are ... ... Nuclear ..." - I
was a bit embarrassed - "In short, Harris and
Turner will distract battle droids
Anderson and Stone - you'll be watering chumandosa, that is,
ugh! .. Uh-uh ... Sorry, Stone ... On a handkerchief, wiped ...
I to say that Anderson and Stone have
take the maniac. Clear? "
"Sir," - "Harris said. (I am the way, flattered little
word "Sir".)
"So what?" - Carelessly tossed, just like my boss!
"Now what do you see yourself doing?" -
Harris asked stubborn.
In fact, the grandson, I was planning to sit anywhere on a
stump in the woods and wait for the guys ... But I could not
show their true intentions of my team!
"Me?" - I asked - "I'll
Side .. Sorry, I almost made a reservation,
wanted to say that I will ... I. .. I'll be ... Disable nuclear
warheads !..."
The soldier seems to satisfy my answer. So, we were all
ready for battle. I told the boys to see her again
weapons.
"And what for?" - Anderson said, - "
We do it a hundred times already saw! "
"Look at the one hundred and first" - I said.
Checking the weapon, we crowd Rushed into the woods, in
which dwelt a maniac ...
All took their original positions. I zatails in the
bushes, Anderson and Stone Kolupaev hovel near the front door
maniac ...
A shack some notable was a maniac!
All of the metal and plastic, armored box, a pile of all the
transitions ... In general, Palace just one! ..
Out of the bushes I was all very well
seen. Stone and Anderson blew the door and
disappeared in the house. I turned my head - on
glade Krivulya Harris ran with orange
flag in their hands and loudly shouted: "Here I am!".
Behind him were chasing two droids, unsuccessfully trying to
fry. That's how Harris distracted droids. Running to the corner
of the house, Harris abruptly stopped and bent over. A shot
rang out a bazooka - and the two droids exploded.
From the corner came out and waved Turner
my hand. Like, I can see. I proudly climbed out of the bushes
and Rushed to razvorochennuyu blast door ...
*
Dzhonlan subsided, were heard only
gurgling sounds - he lapped the beer ...
- Santa, and then something that was? -
again asked the grandson.
- What else? - Asked Dzhonlan - A on
Where was I ... Uk ... ccc ...?
- Well, you came through the door and ... - Grandson
paused.
- A. .. Remembered - Dzhonlan already fairly okosel, all
the beer has been drunk - well, I walked in the door, and there
on the bed so cat, a sec ...
- Father, thy mother! - Screamed the grandson
What are you talking about? There commandos blew up
door and you walked into it ...
- Says it is necessary, - muttered Dzhonlan - I'm in my
life on many doors include ... Well .. Eek! .. Listen to what
it was More ...
*
- ... I went into the house. Were everywhere
left traces of his boots - then still thought that here
because, b $ I, what a pig Anderson and Stone, Heritage here,
you know Do ... I moved in small steps
deep house. In his hands I was clutching my tight
Loved "MARSEC", and second by second twisting
head against the sides, waiting for some
podlyany the maniac ...
I opened the door and walked into the room.
On the couch sat a fat little fellow
and calmly reading a newspaper. Rattling weapon
burst into the room, Stone and Anderson. Popischav and
frantically waved his hand, I'm so thus made it clear
commandos, so they were silent. Perhaps this fat man with a
newspaper was held hostage ...
"Everything okay? Are all well handled, this maniac?" - I
asked poholopav toddler on the shoulder.
Tot shuddered and looked at
We, the police commandos, metal-e-Slow
opened his mouth. The newspaper fell from his weakened thick
ruchonok ...
"I believe, had a shock," - said
Stone, looking at the toddler with tryasuscheys
lower lip.
"He's probably already lost hope and did not expect that
it is finally released" - With tears of emotion in his voice
said Anderson.
"All right, man" - I said,
gently patting little kids on the shoulder - "
We will liberate you, you are no longer a hostage ... "
Tot looked at us widened
eyes and gave a inarticulate
sound.
"Yes, yes" - I nodded - "We - the soldiers 'LASER ARM'
squad to combat terrorism. Do you know where it hides
chumandos-maniac? "
Toddler trying to say something, waving his short arms and
negatively shook his head. I ordered Stone to carry out punch
to the exit, and he, along with Anderson went in search of a
maniac ...
Stone and toddler went into the corridor,
Stone closed the door behind him. All of a sudden - bam!
Clap! Someone, you see, had fallen behind the door
with hooves! We opened with Anderson kick
door into the corridor, sealed to the wall of the Stone, was
holding a lobeshnik.
"Where's the hostage?" - I shouted, brandishing "Marsack.
"Yes, he gave me on the forehead!" - Yelled at
Stone said - "And chesanul somewhere there
along the corridor !..."
"Damn!" - I swore dirty, and not
pleaded not tell you how ...
Well, we had to act quickly.
I ordered Stone and Anderson to catch a hostage, and he went in
search of breaker, to disarm the warhead ...
Circuit breaker I have not found. Pass me by
corridor rushed tot, after a few seconds behind him with a
whisper and the clash of weapons rushed Stone and Anderson.
Spitting, I ran to catch a hostage. A Incidentally, the
grandson, have you ever heard to the hostages escaped from the
police. No? I also do not have, and maybe that is why
chesanul a hostage.
"Stop!" - I cried, palnuv of
"Marsack" following the hostage - "Stop!" Fool, we're police! "
"I know!" - Squeaked in response tot,
"And that's what scares me! Not damsya Alive!"
Oddly enough, the toddler was
rather pisklyavenky voice. The boys have added speed, and soon
Stone struck the rear of a hostage and threw his
on the floor. Podbezhashy Anderson kicked the toddler kicked in
the stomach:
"Goat" is up to us to run away? Zalozhnichek
fucking! Say thank you, that caught, and then
you look again to the maniac was caught !..."
Toddler burst into tears, clutching his stomach.
"Easy, Anderson, - I yelled -
"This is a hostage with him should be gently!"
Tot laughed through her tears. I
has been thought that he went to the roof.
"Hostage!" - Squeaked tot -
"Figure you hostage, this is, I - Maniac
as you call my name - dirty
chumandos!
"Wait a minute!" - Vzbryknul I - I
said that you, maniac, just chumandos!
For nl!
Lyagnuv that fat cattle in the stomach,
continued:
"How to disable nuclear warheads?"
"Ha-ha! What warheads?" - Giggled maniac - "They do not
have here !!!!"
"How?" - I was taken aback - "What is there
have? "
"Yes, we're driven some drugs" - just
maniac said, - "... A warhead Warhead, I have a couple of
years, as the grass traded ..."
*
-... That's so, - said Dzhonlan,
patted his grandson on the head - That's how I performed my
first job. We passed our maniac then, Harris and Turner, a fire
droid guards, in general, everything was fine ...
- Aha ... - Said his grandson, - So it's
All bullshit! No war, no mountains
corpses ...
- What do you want for a pathetic case of beer? Story
about how our platoon pulled Commandos "OMNI CORP" on the lunar
base as We grenades in flower pots were hidden?
- At least ...
- Well, it's another time ... Only
beer maybe more to bring - a longer history
be.
- And about what? - Asked
grandson.
- And I will tell you next time
about how we have put nix on the lunar base belonging to the
corporation "OMNI CORP" and raped theirs commando ... Okay,
I'll go will score a tube ...
Getting up from his stool, old Dzhonlan
walked, staggered to his office ...
*
