(C) Paracels
Ultra-modern tale about
near the end of the world
ARMAGEDDON so close, and
I want to laugh ...
Just recently watched on cable TV well advertised a movie
called ARMAGEDDON with Bruce Willis the title role, and now,
through the laughter, I want to share with you the impressions
received.
In general it has to say about this movie is nothing - to
the horror funny tale with lots of special effects. Whether in
Hollywood extinct good writers, or "smart" directors and
producers have realized the script - it's not important, but
the pre-rendered animation - the most cool. Maybe poglupevshih
the good life of Americans a pacifier, and buy, but personally
I have this "the most successful film caused a bout of laughter
of children and naive. Of course, nice to look at how the poor
of New York is crumbling right on eyes and upper Epmire State
Building with a crash decreases directly to passers-by, but
agree that this is not enough to film liked it.
Briefly tell the story the movie for those who had never
seen him.
Today. At the Earth flies huge asteroid capable of
destroying our planet. From its fragments, and kept falling on
the surface of the earth suffer from various countries: USA,
France, .. but not Russia. More precisely, Russia, may suffer,
but we do not show, but the pictures are stuffed full; the
destruction of New York. I certainly understand that the film
is designed to American audience, but do not meteorite flies to
the entire planet, but only on America?
"What?" - Wonder Chernyshevsky all Americans. And only the
smartest of them come up against the "genius" plan to save all
life on Earth. For the case taken by NASA. Here, as you can
imagine, there is Bruce Willis, and the end of the movie
becomes obvious - the Earth is saved. So it is so da only way
in which it produces salvation, never guess!
You probably think that Bruce Willis plays the role of a
there naikruteyshego astronaut, who visited the moon, and with
dark Vader on friendly terms, but no. Bruce is an ordinary
mossy driller of oil wells, although a 3 generation. It is this
very driller, who the suit somehow never seen to save our
sinful souls from hell flame all the approaching asteroid,
which must strike the earth via ... 18 (!) Days! As it turns
out NASA's operational work - so "on time" to detect a threat
every able. Well, nothing, is not it much more interesting -
you need to hurry, but then ... kranty (adrenalinchika in the
blood to become a little more).
Americans for some reason did not come to mind running a
couple of dozen nuclear missiles capable smash the asteroid
into pieces. Their plan is much "better, safer, and ... Funny!
Yes, this tupizma I was not expecting even from crazy ministers
tinsel town. Just you wonder how there the writers could have
imagined that ...
And it is this.
NASovtsy decided to send the asteroid (!) Two groups on two
ships (just Star Wars any) to (NOTE!)
drill into the asteroid deep hole, shove it nuclear
bomb, fly away (!) with an asteroid and blowing up a bomb, a
meteor split into two parts, which will fly past Earth. Wow! Me
and my imagination and faith in miracles, this picture is
extremely vague. You say: "Yes, Che you all there is? This is
also a fantastic film! "Yes?" And where does NASA? Could come
up with some silnonavorochennuyu organization, such as World
Space COUNCIL. And why was our day to touch? Would shift the
whole thing for 300 years edak forward, and no claims have not
been, or is this another attempt to distract the public from
the sexual life of the president - in reality did not happen,
so even in the movie a try.
Can you imagine the above process save the Earth?
I - no! But where there is me with my walnut to U.S.
writers and, concurrently, the geniuses of Astronautics.
However, Being an inquisitive person, I asked a few questions:
1. How NASovskie scientists calculated that the explosion of
a nuclear bomb
would split the asteroid into two pieces, and they fly
past our blue ball?
2. As the above two groups of suicide bombers Sobir
are to sit on the surface of the asteroid and drill it dos
sufficiently deep hole?
3. And anyway, since when space allowed some sort of
drillers?
And it seems that the answers to these questions, I still
got it. Thus, attention. Correct answer:
1. NASovskie scientists did not expect it, or rather,
perhaps,
that they had expected, but not what is needed, otherwise
and we would have explained;
2. The answer to this question - something ekstroordinarnoe.
Tell on
order ... Two shuttle should have set off from Earth, then
in space dock with our station MIR, refuel
on it to further flight, then fly to the moon (!), and
going around it, using the gravity of the satellite,
out on the tail of the asteroid. Well, there already in
their engines fields quietly to land and start drilling.
For
Drilling of these pseudo-pilots were two special Burilov
nye machines (one of which they are chased by an asteroid,
both on the track for motocross) the size of slightly
less than usual th excavator production Kovrov excavating
for water.
3. Yes, it is clear from these the most. Now the astronauts
do not want something.
Now, any mechanic can be a gynecologist in space jerk ...
You may ask: "But Bruce Willis was the only driller
from the whole team, right? "Fuck it (excuse the expression)!
Malo that Bruce was a driller, and his command gained from
their best and also the drillers! I just fell in the sludge, and
NASA povozmuschalis, povozmuschalis and allowed, and besides,
have fulfilled all terbovaniya this band of lunatics
dobyvateley oil one of which was the requirement that all of
them in case of successful completion of the transaction will
never pay taxes!
That's right, ladies and gentlemen. Who knew that our lives
are entirely at the mercy of people, poisonous ocean oil.
Another point to cheer me up. About our long-suffering the
Mir space station. As you may recall, two shuttle should have
been on it refuel. So, I met these stupid "astronauts" our
Russian man named Leo. The truth revealed him as a veritable
bum, but here but then ... he saved the whole operation!
Directly and I am ashamed and proud of our state. More in the
film was such a phrase relating to our station, such as: "this
station for 11 years, and we in America, even those old
machines do not! "And she sounded so boasted that I feel like
saying: "And therefore it is only what you Khrenova industry,
Fellow Americans, while Here in Russia, once will do so for
centuries! "
Believe me, these Yankees all turned out. True protagonist
died, but we stayed with you alive. And in the end, all met
remaining zhivih schizophrenics, both national (so that there -
the world's) heroes. The only thing I liked about this film
except for special effects - the daughter of Aerosmith'a, Liv
Tyler, who played the role of the daughter, but only the main
character.
That's a fairy tale ending, but who would listen - well done!
P.S. Takoe sharp attitude to the movie ARMAGEDDON not worth
rastse Niva as an act of ethnic hatred. I'm not a Nazi -
and not navizhu Nazism antisemizm and especially fascism.
P.P.S. Did you know that during the broadcast of the film
ARMAGEDDON in ki nokontsertnom Hall Ukraine city of Lviv
Chervonograd
area killed four pupils and four were in intensive care,
Dozens were injured. Do not believe me? Then read the
hedgehog Day release for the Komsomolskaya Pravda of
December 5, 1998 Yes.
P.P.P.S. If you want to watch a really good Fantasy
practically a movie, choose the "Lost In Space".
That's us toyaschy rulez! Here and the effects of time
in the top 100 and the scene trajectories appropriate.
In general, not a movie, and candy. Personally, I
dragged. Although there is no Bruce Willis, but there
is a su first-villain in Hollywood # 1 - Gary Oldman,
known
everyone in the film "Fifth Element".
P.P.P.P.S. I understand that all written here may seem
You complete nonsense and rubbish, in fact it is so
there. I am sure that among you, dear readers, to
find exist a those who liked the movie ARMAGEDDON,
and
those who strongly disagree with me, like a mini
mum, a couple of questions, and, as a maximum, in
all. Well,
everyone is entitled to their point of view,
including
and I'm so sorry, if something goes wrong, which,
however, not
frees you from the angry response to my treatise
side. Accept insults with dignity and listened to
criticism.
P.P.P.P.P.S. In 1999, Bruce Willis received a "Razzie"
(The opposite of "OSCAR") immediately after 3 (!)
Movie:
"Armageddon," "The Siege" and "Mercury Rising".
Here
So, Bruce! Nefig in any city .. shoot!
That's it! Bye!
In the first, and hopefully the last time
kinoobzrevatel,
Sincerely, Alexander / EI
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