Bored of the Rings
music by COOPER
(C) Alex ASP
_
Small comment.
So it's time for another
fairy tales, and she with us today will be nothing more than
otherwise, as "sick of the Rings" or simply
"Toshnilka. As probably many know, this work is a parody
Tolkien Lord of the Rings. " Want
noted that the text below was written by the same name
adventyure Delta 4, and She, in turn, is not a machine
version of the same name book. Sam DzhRRT
recommended that the translator translates perevodibelnye
(sorry!) names, and that was as far as possible be done.
Now for the small differences. The point
that the Delta 4 has produced several versions of "Toshnilki,
slightly different from each other by text. Moreover, 1994 The
first chapter was written by one version (CRL), and in 1997 the
second and third chapters - on the other. In the ZF will also
be (if will be) no CRL'ovskaya version of all three
parts, so the text will be slightly different places. That's,
like, that's all. In the distant future, look through the
possible outlines of prekvella - The Boggit (Bolotnik) and
small tales about the most Delta 4 with pieces of e-mail'noy
correspondence with Fergus MacNeill. But it's all still out
there somewhere, and here begins story Bolotnikov.
Chapter 1.
Fordo standing inside a huge tent in the
which was celebrated in a big Birthday Bimbo. Appalling amount
of food was dumped in heaps on the crowded tables,
of ale and a strong drink could not speak, because. Well, yes
there is nothing here to argue about is absorbed,
because it is not / drink most interesting.
Nevertheless, hundreds of gorged itself Bolotnikov
stumble here under the weight of
heavily stocked stomachs. Bimbo suddenly rose from his chair at
the far end of the tent. Noise immediately before the verse
sluggish roar. - Dear Comrades! - "He began. - In this
auspicious day, I would like to stay here and continue to get
you. However, I can not do that. And therefore - good-bye!
There was an explosion, incidentally killed several people.
When the smoke cleared, at Bimbo his place was no longer there.
Broken tables and chairs were buried under burial mounds of
food and lost consciousness Bolotnikov. Gallons of ale flowed
directly to grass, and around the place where he was recently
Bimbo, lay shrapnel. More There was nothing to do here except
look at this mass grave, and it is so Fordo went to the house
Bimbo, hoping that there will be something to find out. -. So,
we need to find some dumb lemming who took it and threw it to
him somewhere, where is the old eyeball it does not find - said
Grendalf Bimbo, when Ford approached the door of the house.
- But what a stupid idiot will approach us for
such a dirty job like this. - Bimbo and stopped short, seeing
the door of his nephew. After a moment of confusion Bimbo
shouted: "Catch!" and threw some little thing across the room.
With the lack of hitting skill Fordo caught it. - Yeah, that's
what you and take it - grinned Grendalf. - That's good. Now
listen carefully here. You will go the black earth Dormora and
destroy it. But to begin with Come to Nyuhrondu that
lives somewhere in Riventupe. And now we have to
your uncle's time to go. Perhaps we shall see. Bye!
- Good luck, you're my favorite nephew! - Called Bimbo, and
they, together with old sorcerer hurried away.
Fordo carefully examined what
caught. It was a small ring with the inscription: "Made in Hong
Kong." After collecting their friends, or simply forcing them
to go with him, Ford moved to the east.
The road ran through the forest. Unexpectedly
Bolotnikov impression that someone is going
on the horse behind them.
- In the forest! - Has ordered Ford, and all
disappeared among the trees. After about
Seventeen Moments rode Black
Rider. He stopped, seemed noisy
sniffing the air, then swore,
spurred his black steed and galloped on. Ford horror crept away
into the bushes. When he came in a bit itself, then became
aware of the fact that his ears still in place, but not
completely faded, as it was assumed, but the notion that
where is he from Bolotnikov is, missing completely.
A few hours later Frodo and his comrades went to the river
bank Brendneym it under the same name Firmovaya. The road led
to the Most, but not forgetting to leave the house
Farmer Hvorsta.
- Well, going to old Hvorstu? - Asked Darkness.
- What is it? - In response asked Spem.
Mirk looked around and making sure that in addition to
Bolotnikov nobody listens quietly
whispered:
- El.
- El what? - Did not understand Spem.
- Just Al - instead of Gloom said
Ford. - It has been decided, we go there.
The whole house was furnished with a farmer kegs of ale.
Seeing the uninvited guests, the old Hvorst silently handed
each a mug and habitual gesture spilled ale.
Fordo drained her twice hiccupped,
perekuvyrknulsya, and only then felt a little better.
- Well, boss, it's time - to hurry
Spem.
- You're it! - Hissed at him Ford. - So
soon nobody is going - and put him in
hand circle, once again filled to the brim.
- All the time, so - sadly muttered
Spem, - want the best, but turns
as usual.
Waking up, Ford realized that a better
He was to die in their sleep. Opened one
eye, he could not understand where he is
located. After much agonizing attempts to remember something,
he did understand that is at home in Merzgorode.
No matter how he tried to remember how he came here, nothing is
remembered. He understood that they had to cross the bridge and
another and then stomped on the order of the foot,
but how did they do it, remained
for him a mystery.
Shook his companions, which was
no easy task, Ford went
in the Old Forest. The latter was a huge, gloomy, and after a
few minutes journey inwards again, no one could say with
certainty which is which. Perhaps These were the consequences
of having fun night. Whatever it was, they soon stopped by a
large willow with long rubber limbs. The air was filled with
strange smell - a kind of mixture of something pleasant with
the scent of decomposition. Bolotnikov beginning sleepy, and
they are being not exactly in good shape, did not resist this
feeling.
It took a little time when Ford
woke up and found myself in a very delicate situation, that is,
within the old willow. Everything was dark and stuffy, and
poorly smelt. Feeling that Ford came to
itself, the tree beginning to pulsate, and compress the
prisoner. After collecting the rest of their will, Ford
shouted: "Help!". As a result of some incredible coincidence,
he was rescued by the little man, wore the tiny glowing shoes,
who accidentally asked for a tree to relax, that it has made
itself without understanding why. - Well, oschem something,
hello! - Said the little man, whose name was Tim Bombodel.
- Hi, - politely greeted Ford.
- Well, Th, are we going? - Tim asked Bolotnikov.
- Come on! - Accepted by all, without considering the
consequences.
From the hill they saw a light, Rained out
windows of an old dilapidated shack.
Ford decided a little fun and offered Tim the bandwagon.
- Ah-ah-ah! - He yelled, dropping the ground, and
syringe package fell out of his pockets.
-? - Said Spem.
- Charles - began Pryschin.
- Uh, che, mzhiki you znaate old Tim
ed diibetik - on the go, Tim realized. He
picked up a syringe and smiled.
-? - Spem repeated over thoughtfully.
Meanwhile, they approached the house.
- Zhadite - he invited - pznakomts
Maya Heshberi.
Tim's House was built in a rather
strange style. In fact, there
only one room, which could
be several simultaneously. Torn mats on the floor, and served
chairs and beds and tables.
- Wow! - Heshberi groaned and fell into the
exhausted on the bed as soon as they
entered.
- Hey, mzhiki, smtrite, do not let the old
Hash obdrit Sun, ed trafnitsa analysis - all
trafku to know - has advised Tim.
- Hi, hash, - tried to make
Gloom small talk, but despite
all their attention to them, so Heshberi
and remained in a state nestoyaniya.
The next day Bolotnikov decided to go further.
- Look sda, mzhiki - addressed the audience, Tim. - Here is
the VM Fennec, ktoryya you pmozhet. A schaz old Tim and you
pydete ptyami different - and he walked away.
Bolotnikov also went his way.
Pobludiv a bit, they really lost. So, wandering through the
woods, they came across a very strange creature no less strange
name, whom we shall call, in order not to frighten children and
women. He immediately began vyrepyvatsya: - Well, hello to
you, Bolotnikov,
That you can give me?
If you go to Moron,
The key is to learn from me.
Noting that Ford was watching him, he
began to manufacture something in the style of a break
howls of "Kamon", "A-e!" and other such nonsense, obviously the
key relationship is not having. When the dance finally ended,
Fordo heard only one normal word - "Pepper". Having determined
that no repbreykera all the houses, Bolotnikov hurried away, so
both do not really know it is contagious or not.
Finally, they reached the normal way. Nearby is the Wee -
Center bolotnikovskogo tourist business. By insistence Fordo
Bolotnikov decided to wrap up there. The only attraction was a
hotel Wee "Skinny Racehorse." In It will, as always, was full
of people: eight were completely petrified trolls heap in an
alcove, a small army of gnomes sitting at the bar, playing
cards for money and sketching blueprints for
sigaretozakatyvatelnoy machine, a long lizard Balsvinu showed
how well-suited to its tail captivated them beautiful elf. Fordo
decided to shake hands with everyone, but it was
not the right move. Trolls, lying in
alcove, said nothing, probably
affected the lack of education. Gnomes just sent him somewhere
in the direction of Manhattan. Lizard Balsvin and elf,
apparently, doing something purely personal and not reacted to
the emergence of Bolotnikov. Fordo only remained to shake
shoulders so to order something to eat,
eat a little something to eat.
Suddenly, a hotel filled with the sound chegoto breaks. They
all turned, and in this same time, broke the front door, down
the hall burst into the high country on an idiot
dressed Chuzhestrannik. Observed by all
he is "quietly" went to the Ford Foundation and became
wait, trying to look as little as possible
suspicious. Bolotnikov pretended
do not pay attention to it. Unable to stand, Chuzhestrannik
decided to introduce myself: - Hi, my name Aragont son
Artifaksa, and I still have a whole bunch of names, ak example.
- Be kind, please feel free to clap their
mouth! - Suggested someone from the crowd.
Aragont frowned for a moment, but then
decided to continue:
- I'll take you wherever you need
the secret path.
- Maybe we are your services and not nuzh
Ny - calmly threw Ford.
- Need-Need - hastened to assure them
Aragont.
- NDA? Well, then let potorguemsya - yawn, suggested Ford.
After much thought in the form of dinner and a pair of
casks of ale, paid Aragontom, Bolotnikov agreed to take his
guide.
Soon they came out and got to the Wee
crossroads: the road went from west to east,
a neon sign "Secret Path"
point to the branch, where, and turned
Aragont, and after him Bolotnikov. They had to wade through the
well-trodden four-lane (two lanes in
each direction), the secret path
known only Chuzhestrannikam guarding the Shire. The road runs
at the foot of the mountain, which bore the name Anhem Suem
more known as the feather. Climbing
the top to admire the surrounding
view, Bolotnikov stumbled on a rock on
glowing runes which was written:
"Sdez was Grendalf. Next to the stone lay a jar with peppers.
- Again, pepper? - Surprised Ford. - Nobody wants? Then I take
it myself.
Soon Aragont resulted in Bolotnikov Riventup, and after -
the house Nyuhronda. There was regular drinking, and Ford was
not surprised saw there, and Bimbo, and Grendalfa, he and some
other unknown persons. They ran hospitable Nyuhrond:
- Get out of here as soon as possible!
His voice was barely audible because of the roar
created dormorianskimi tanks and
helicopters.
- The enemy seems to be something suspicious about my
relationship with koltsenosnymi Bolotnikov, so you would be
better to leave. He waved his hand fighting trolls, break out
back door, and brought Fordo outward, thrusting his sword and
the jacket of mitrala that Fordo immediately and put them on.
Together with Bolotnikov and Aragontom from Nyuhronda out
Giblet (dwarf), Legozem (Elf) Zaymir (such as a warrior, when
not drunk) Grendalf (no I really do not remember who he is)
and a beast of burden, called Razlivalschik, and when all
gathered together moved towards Uiffskih mountains.
Originally the plan was to
pass through the mountains, but the only passage in the
mountains of piled snow. We had a whole
normal heroes to go around, constantly
hiding from the black crows spyware. In
Eventually they did get to the gate,
that blocked the entrance to Moroni. Locality
was unhappy, and near the gate itself was located a dark pond.
- Well, Grendalf, open - said
Fordo after no one could
move the sash from the place of brute force.
Grendalf fumbled in his pockets and found a big hole, resulting
in his mood is very deteriorated.
- That's because an old fool, - cursed himself
he - lost did that to lose
was.
- What are you, Grendalf, lost? - Asked Spem. - Can we have in
the bag that there?
- Yes, I lost pepper, pepper! - Biting his elbows old.
- Once again, pepper? - Surprised Ford, and drew from a wide
leg and keep it. - And this you will not do?
- Where did you get it? - Asked sternly
Grendalf, taking the pepper. - Did you
nobody said that stealing is wrong,
and especially bad to steal from an elderly magician?
- Yes I did because at the top of Perova found! - Hurt Ford. -
Can you at least have Spema, at least in Pryschina or Gloom ask
Do Aragonta.
- Well, I believe you, - quiet
Grendalf - but most do not try to cheat the old man! And now -
disco! - And He threw a can of pepper to the ground.
- Ah-ah-Aptchee! - Sneezed Giblet, carrying
away the stones in its path. In the cliff there was a huge hole.
- And now, go! - Commanded Grendalf when all prochihalis, and
pointing hand on the resulting passage, entered
inside. Others followed him.
A few minutes later a huge covered with stinking slime
monster, menacingly waving a trowel for plastering, tightly
walled hole punched into the rock Gibletom. With a wild roar of
laughter from which froze the blood in his veins, he retired to
an unknown destination, a place where only that the events took
place that has shrouded darkness.
