AY-Track: "O LUBWI" (CHIZH 'Co)
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(C) E. Nesterenko (Jam), 1998
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Purposely did not invent or
with jokes on life
Sometimes in life situations such curiosities,
that they would be hard to even come
mother, commit themselves to a goal ...
Some of these stories I want to
to the attention of readers. In
veracity of these tales do not arrive at
converges to doubt, since it does not
some of them occurred immedi
directly on the eyes of the author, and
Some received them from the reliability
Faithful sources ................
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The first story
"Mysterious goods"
Stands a man, sells, therefore, on the floppy disk on the
Spectrum radio market. Fit two potential buyers are beginning
to consider carefully the product - the usual wheels 5.25. One
of the "clients", such as a specialist, with a view, meaningful
to idiocy, points to a floppy disk: - Well, how much is it?
- Two of the ruble - responsible vendor.
- It's like, for everything? - Pokes into the box
"Client".
- No, for one.
- Hmm, it is clear ...
The first turns to the second and they're going to go away. He
went away a couple of steps, a second, glancing furtively at
seller asks the "expert":
- Hey, what's he's selling?
"The Specialist", grimaced shrugs:
- A hell knows ...
history of the second
Hare Krishna! "
One day, some company, not the Hare Krishnas, not what
someone else was celebrating a of their religious festivals and
arranged on one of the stadiums, in parallel with the football
match, hand pies and compotes. To get such a treat, rather
had come to the table, beside which stood a pair of Krishna in
those of their mantle, and say: "Hare Krishna", then
you are immediately handed a pie. And here are two
hungry fans, tired of whistling and cursing, we decided to take
this opportunity to refreshment at the expense of Krishna. They
approached the table, shouted: "Hare Roof!" and well received
by pies, koi immediately and swallowed. But as the cakes were
small and the fans were great lovers of "freebies", then wait a
few minutes, they again came to the table, said: "Hare
Roof! "And again got pies. A
since Krishnan, pretending pies
or do not remember them, or was very kind,
our heroes are bolder and repeated the procedure
a couple more times. Finally, there it is like
would not like. However, the cakes had
side effect: being stuffed pretty sweet jam, it makes you
thirsty. And oddly enough, but for some reason, the Hare
Krishnas were not offered compote. It has probably ended, and
perhaps they still were vindictive and would thus punish brazen
"heathens." How would there it was, but still wanted to drink
and one from the fans again went to
table and blurted out: "Hare roof, but not
Do compote ?"...
history of the Third
"Magic words"
Cold winter day at the bus stop was a crowd of people
waiting for delayed buses. They were mostly students, mainly
those who are after school on homes, but there were among them,
and teachers from the same university. The crowd was thrilled,
and what were the reasons: the number of seats in
bus was clearly less willing these
take place. The question was even more
acute: and instead of a general all in one
bus, because the wait for half an hour in the cold
the next they did not like. And when they finally appeared on
the horizon, the long-awaited transport, panic. Some were
calculated by probability theory possible the location of the
bus after the doors stop it, while others were preparing to
storm, knowing that still breaks the strongest first, third,
not relying on their strength, called to order. But when the
bus stopped, the order and did not smell quite the contrary -
was a mess. The main character in this history (call it Vasya)
because of its high growth and the natural arrogance lucky: He
was one of the first burst into the parlor and took so valuable
seating space. But unfortunately, the three buddies Vasin
somewhere late, and we had to take them places. There was a
problem: how to protect from the mob for three seats without
losing his - the fourth? And the seats were standard - for two
people each. And now Vasya dawned: he was placed on a seat so
that if they wanted someone still sit on it was impossible, and
the seat in front put his hands on, "scoring" and these space
for associates. The bus was quickly filled, and soon there was
no seating places, except employees Vasya. And at this time
one of the teachers who read Vasya some object, he saw the
empty seats and decided to sit down, without noticing that
Vasya keeps their hands. But there it was! Frightened by the
teacher and jumped when he heard deafening: "Where do you
climb, Pedro ?!!!" He had to ride standing up. But now it
Vasin's turn to hesitate: he could not see
teacher, when he sat down and learned
Only after he turned. "Do not
see me now offsetting "- angry Vasya. But the retreat has been
nowhere, and he pretended that nothing happened. It took
several months, came a week student's record. Of course, now
the turn before of the ill-fated test. And then, as
luck, knowledge of the subject Vasja were at the trio on skis.
" And here he is comes, not looking into the eyes of the
teacher, mutters something unintelligible in response
all the questions without looking, takes the student's
record-book. Coming out of the audience, opens it and does not
believe his eyes - there is "pass." Some time Vasya dumbfounded
stares the inscription, and then wakes up and gleefully
shouted: "Here is a class I am now it is not so obmateryu!
Maybe put the exam ?"...
History of the Fourth
"Disastrous box"
In going underground, at a small table, located a seller of
batteries. Trades, then sells the working day is
is nearing completion on the street the evening. Rarely are
people, customers have little and this guy, realizer, then
decided to already collected. Worth, "inciting Qassam
but this time a lady comes to the table years
A couple of forties, respectable, such an umbrella
in the hands and thick glasses, and begins chtoto carefully
considered. Finally, poking into the box from under the
"Tampax", in which lay the battery to the clock, she said: -
How much? Seller glanced at the box:
- So much, with the "insert" more ...
Before he could even finish, as a lady babahnula
on his head an umbrella, and with a cry of "Ham!"
rushed out of the subway. Spacy seller scratched bruised brow,
looked at box in which the "Tampax", and here before him
came ...
fifth story
"Home Value"
Two friends took a couple of bottles of vodka and
wend one's way home. For greater safety
One of them, call it Vasya posted
bottles in the sleeves of jackets - one for
each, and the second, let it be Peter,
carrying a snack. It was winter, the frost on the street, walk
away and cool, so friends decided to use public transport. And
then just fit the desired number trolley, but still go to the
bus stop about two hundred meters, we can not in time. Our
heroes embark running and already almost caught up trolley,
when Vasya (The one with the bottles), slips (the road was
covered with a thick crust ice) and falls face down, directly
on the ice. Peter, forgetting about the trolley runs to
friend, helping him to get up and anxiously asked him:
- John, Joe, Vasek, are you all right?
In response, Vasya with a terrible suspicion feels sleeve
jackets, but then the relief Sighs:
- Thank God, everything is in order ...
stories of six
"Hard Work"
Was a typical spring day, a group of students came to class
and waiting for the teacher. He was not slow to appear, did the
roll call and asked: - Who wants to work with?
The students hesitated. Either they are so eager to
knowledge, whether work was a bummer, but
volunteers and were not found. Then the teacher looked at the
magazine, pointed at random pen and said:
- Well appointed "on duty" ... uh-uh,
Ivanova! He does not mind?
Ivanov was against, but nevertheless agreed. AND
Here he was given a shovel and was appointed to fill
underground trench, dug a couple of days ago
for some important goals. Asleep, he fell asleep, and in
fifteen minutes and decided to make a smoke break. Said - done.
He smoked a cigarette, then another one, when suddenly his head
was pierced by a brilliant idea: after all the work, nobody
controls, can break and stretch ... It took another half an
hour to the building, near which sat our hero walked up some
man, and saw sitting on their haunches beside shovels and piles
of earth Ivanov, said: - What are you doing here, man?
Ivanov looked at the stranger - and a half years studying at
the institute it was never met, then no teacher.
- Yes here, the mother of their way to work made!
- Ay-yay-yay! - Sympathized with a man. - A
who made?
- Yes there is here ... - Framed the twisted Ivanov. -
Work hard on them, that horse!
- Tired, eh?
- Yes.
- Do not worry, soon you can rest. You are from what
group?
- From the fifth.
- A name like yours?
- Well, Ivanov ... And you voobscheto cares?
- Why, I have decided for you pohlopotat and
then where have you seen - way to overload the students!
- And you, what does "teaching" my pronunciation
do? - Ivanov smiled.
- And how will I make.
- What are you, the rector to faculty
reprimands to do? - Quipped Smith.
- Dean - did not lose one.
- Who are you? Yes, I bet he even imeniotchestva rector did
not know? - Why do not you know? Nikolai Petrovich!
- Ha ha ha! Does not Petrović, and ...
um ... Stepanich here! - Blurted Ivanov.
In fact, he himself was the rector's middle name is not
remembered, and even in the face of something he had never
seen. But the same can not be this type of Rector! Would he do
with some out there student to talk!
- Well, maybe you and it is clear - agreed
man - may be true Stepanich. Well,
I think I'll go, but you see, though not
nadorvis for such hard work for you!
- Yeah try!
Cheerful man turned around and went his own
route, and Ivanov took out another cigarette. But soon, the
building came a teacher, and Ivanov had to hastily create a
visibility of work. By the end of the second pair he so tired
of creating the illusion that home came completely overwhelmed.
But soon ontaki rested, "Departure from the Institute - that
guy really was the Rector ...
history of seventh
"TR-DOS'y"
Radio market is already finished its work,
as the retailer, which sells software for the Spectrum, walked
imposing man with a briefcase and began to carefully scrutinize
the counter. - How can I help? - Anxiously asked
seller.
- I. .. Um ... I want ... I'm looking for TR-DOS!
- Excuse me, did you say?
It was evident that the buyer and does not know
what he needs. A little thought, he gathered his thoughts and
said the following sentence: - Well, I was told that I should
buy TR-DOS itself, and I'm looking for, where you can buy.
Do you have this for sale?
Seller confused. On the one hand, he
was almost certain that the buyer is something
confusing, but on the other hand, and suddenly
confused, and these TR-DOS'y possible anywhere on
cheap to obtain and resell it to the peasant
expensive? He painfully thoughtful and carefully asked:
- You're going to an urgent need?
- Who are they?
- Well, TR-DOS'y?
- Yes I only need it, and in general,
not so urgent ... So you have, or
No?
And then illuminated by the seller, not wanting to lose a
potential client, pointedly said: - Why, in the morning was,
yes all sorted out ...
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