HUMOR
NINETEENTH TEC SPRING!
P R E D & C L O V I E
In the EC was Stirlitz and the process of formatting the hard
drive. Stalin turned the monitor and asked:
- Comrade Zhyukov, you do not get it?
- No, Comrade Stalin.
- Then let the last AIDSTEST.
Zhukov humbly sighed, pulled out a box right pocket and
handed it to floppy Stalin. Crumble a few floppy disks in a
tube, chief thoughtfully lit from the outstretched KC.
Ten minutes later he asked:
- And how are things in the western market?
- Auction - simply said Zhukov.
- And how it feels to Comrade Isaev?
- It is difficult - a sad "Zhukov said.
- It's good - said Stalin. - I
for he has a new job ...
And CC was Stirlitz and hard drive formatting process.
CHAPTER A 1
Low smoky ceiling EC "Three programmer was nearly black from
the floppy, the walls were izrisovany scenes from the famous
fairy tales, in whose honor was named VC. Played in the EC is
not very well programmed even worse, but it is not to scare
away his regulars. Scared away their friend. With the recent
then look at the Computing Center got into the habit
Standartenfiihrer CC von Stirlitz. And now he sat at the far
terminal, which was piled on seven computers, and printers to
eight. Stirlitz was alone and no one was waiting. Sometimes it
gets boring, he pulled from his pocket drive with inscription
"Programmer Isayev for the liberation of the Far East of Felix
Dzerzhinsky, and with fifty mean true system programmer
formatted lurking in the corners of cockroaches. - Lit here! -
He shouted. - A mess! Indeed, the EC was a mess. Paul was
flooded with cheap cartridges, spit-covered and piled
diskettes. The impression that
everyone thought it his duty if you do not bestow
BAD BLOCK'ami floor, at least, spit or
something to throw. Every now and then, stepping on
puddles, and mothers were programmers.
At the next table, four SS
Messy molested cute lab.
She liked it and she giggled stupidly. In
corner, his face buried in the VGA-monitor, who beat lay
unterofitser without floppy but with the cartridge. Sometimes
he would start with displeasure toss and turn and loud sounds
indecent. Two war veteran, playing in TETRIS at the bar,
quietly talking about the events in the Kursk Exchange. Young
programmistik in the company of two girls suspected appearance
loud pains of what a fine fellow he is, and how well he plays
in the Crystal Caves.
Stirlitz scored a big piece of the program,
scratch with a finger in a roll of paper and
watchful eyes scanned the surrounding
actually degrade Germany
occasionally holding a look at some outstanding details darting
among the tables laborantok. - What are these bastards SysOp'y
- suddenly for all young programmistik said.
- I would put them all through one, and removed one by one. The
room was silent. Everyone looked at Shtirlitsa. Stirlitz spat
out a piece of paper, stood up and, knocking three tables,
marched went to the high-handed to the programmer. - Pig
custom - he hissed and slapped him across the face.
- Sorry, I do not quite understand ... - Faltered fluttered
programmer. Stirlitz lost his temper, and seizing the printer,
brought down him on the head of an unlucky user.
He fell, and began viciously kicking Stirlitz
his feet.
- I, a Russian programmer Isaev, will not let a dirty dog
yuzerovskomu insult Russian Sysop! Four SS men rushed to
separate the fighters. Amused Shtirlitsa dragged from moaning
programmer, and to comfort, offered a drink for Pascal,
Assembler for. - Yes - said Stirlitz calmed down a little. He
drank a mug of toner, red SS eagerly poured the second,
Stirlitz drank some more, the programmer was not interested in
him. - Well as you can, - whispered to one of the systems
people wept programmer - in fact Stirlitz say such things about
SysOp'ah, yes more so in these terms! I would take you to his
place killed.
- Stirlitz - good soul - he sighed second soldier - I remember
three days ago then beat the Japanese virologist, so everything
was kicked and Stirlitz - no. - Good people - the first
confirmed systems analyst, programmer, and they carried on
fresh air. Stirlitz embracing with the SS, sang "Basic zoldaten.
Who beat unterofitser raised his head from
lettuce, cloudy eyes swept the room and enthusiastically
shouted: - Long live the PL / I! The whole room jumped up,
throwing up his hands, the walls shook with the response
roar:
- Hurray!
A Stirlitz already asleep, he dreamed of monitors, the
Russian 486-th and 586 th, he dreamed of naked girls from
GIF-pictures-native, and he pry them from under the table. Now
he sleeps, but exactly half an hour later he wakes up to
continue their hard, necessary for reunification work.
CHAPTER A 2
The office Mueller was safe in which
Mueller kept the files of all employees of the Reich. He often
climbed in love with its safe for the next file in order to
replenish it, Lost restore Cluster'y, just read or print. But
the latter is rare, because Mueller, a true collector, did not
like to part with the files their wards. Safe deposit boxes
with files were Almost all employees Reich, but
Shtirlitsa, but such an extensive collection of works was not
from anyone, even the most Kaltenbrunera. It was a small and
innocent hobby Gestapo chief. In his collection were Wirth,
Kernighan and Ritchie, and Kloksin Mellish, Knut, Bormann,
Stirlitz and even the Kaltenbruner. Obergruppenfiihrer sat
monitor and pressed the button PgDn. On the screen flipping
through a file Bormann, it was one of the bulk of files in his
safe. Mueller was whistling an aria from Faust Mefistofilya and
by pressing F7, searching for loved the line.
Parteigenosse Bormann was fine virologist. If Bormann could
not write any virus, he thought it lived through
day missing. If, however, turned out to somebody shit, Bormann
sleep quietly, with a good, happy smile on his face. Favorite
floppy Bormann, who was lying in his office was infected by all
types of viruses, and therefore all had to go
to Bormann only taped drives.
Mueller, who zakleek was not, of
this is very upset. Once he had the imprudence to bring Bormann
Space Quest and has been maliciously infected Dir'om. Had to
reformat the diskette. Since then they have to Bormann became
bitter enemies. Bormann was lover lay a button on the chairs,
draw with chalk on the backs of the officers word
"Basic", pulling in the dark corridors
complex system of ropes, tripping over a
that the unfortunate victim in the best case
dropped or drenched toner, at worst -
received on the head with a laser printer.
Special love Bormann used the toilets. What are the only
programs he did not wrote on doors and walls, and sometimes
obscene Redraws the GIF image. Under one of these pictures, he
signed "a Eva Braun. "Fuhrer was offended and asked him to
same Bormann, find out who did it. Two
month, all in the Reich grovel Bormann, and even invented
Stirlitz version to protect themselves from the suspicion that
this made the Chinese virologist. In the end
suffered Admiral Canaris, who inadvertently won Bormann in his
preference new lab. Laboratory assistant were the second
Bormann passion. He now and then fired
alone, and hire others, changed lab with Himmler, Schellenberg,
asked to give lab Mueller, but Mueller refused. In Reich
Bormann not loved, but feared. Who is good to see your name on
wall of the toilet? Bormann was a fat, bald and rancorous. And
he Bormann was at this time busy with chores. Toner stained
finger He daubed on the toilet door sign:
"SHTIRLITS - cattle and RUSSIAN SYSOP". Satisfaction chmoknuv,
Bormann pulled the rope and went out. He carefully formatted
wheels and with a sense of accomplishment went to his office.
The day promised to be successful. In the study Borman opened
the safe, locked up for seven secret locks and put his head
inside. Yesterday, he hung a sign in a vault in Russian: "Ruski
sysops smaret zaprischeno! Someone in red Toner correct the
error and signed: "Borman fool." Borman took a Russian-German
Dictionary, translated and logically thought that: "Someone has
corrected the error ... it means someone climbed into the safe
... it is not me ... hence it Russian SysOp ... plus everything
he personally Bormann knows. Consequently, I have it too
I know. "
Borman long pondered. Half an hour later
He guessed search fingerprints.
Half an hour later he found them. Apparently,
Russian spy ate paper. Coil of
Roll was standing in the safe. "Here
felt work Shtirlitsa. Interestingly,
What would Kaltenbruner? Borman
sigh. Communicate with Stirlitz not worth it, still think of
something, yet find yourself to blame. Knew it all. Borman
sighed once more and pulled out of the safe File Pastor Schlag.
For a pastor, he watched a long time and with interest. This
man had a large female clientele. Pastor ran for any women:
young and old, beautiful and not very sistemschitsami and
programmer at and vice versa, and women responded reciprocated
that Bormann, who was women are not loved, very surprised and
even annoyed. "Why should one person so much
women? I understand if they were,
First, lab, and secondly, I have as well ... I guess it works
for someone's BBS. Most likely, this is not our BBS.
Consequently, foreign - Bormann raised his finger up. - It must
feel ... "And Bormann, call Aysmanu, ordered. From a strong
kick the door swung open, and entered the room gloomy and
sleepy Stirlitz. - Borman! Give AIDSTEST!
"The old Shtirlitsa AIDSTEST, - thought
Borman, holding a box for diskettes
profile of the Fuhrer - means he has written.
Much has been written, when they think it means a lot
thought. Stirlitz just do not think so, he's planning
something. "And Bormann looked honest eyes Shtirlitsa. - How
are you? - Bad.
"I, as always, right! - Glad Bormann. - Just planning
something! Move it touch. "
- Would you like to methyl alcohol?
- No, - Shtirlitsa wince. - Better
toner. Bormann pressed the button, and entered
lab. Stirlitz it has never seen before.
- NEW?
- Yes - boasted Bormann.
- And nothing - approved Stirlitz.
- I also like - said flattered
Borman.
- Toner bring it, dear.
- Yes, Parteigenosse. Lab
brought Toner and waited for further
orders.
- You can go - waved Bormann. Lab, a disappointed shake her
hips out. Stirlitz looked up from the door and
picked up a mug with toner.
- Sit down, - has offered Borman, substituting
chair. Stirlitz habitual gesture brushed with
chair and sat down buttons. "Note - Toxic
thought Bormann - Shtirlitsa buttons do not
take. Sense the hand of Moscow. "Eyes
Shtirlitsa turned green.
- A good toner, - he said.
Dark bitch cat. Deceive wants. No,
brother Isayev, that's a mug's game. And no play
Do I have a little joke on him? What if he really
subtle hint that they are interested in Peter
Norton? "
- Stirlitz! Why you are interested in Peter Norton! - Cried
Bormann. Stirlitz choked. With Norton, it met all once, and one
at the reception of the Fuhrer. Stirlitz had a high opinion of
himself as a systems analyst, but the thought never crossed him
in the head. Norton can be a valuable agent. We must seek the
center. "Stirlitz stood up and blew his nose in curtain.
"Bite or not?" - Thought Bormann. Stirlitz looked out the
window. - What drives with this kitty! - He said
verse. - Look, Borman.
Borman took from the table Zeiss binoculars
and went to Stirlitz. Minute they were silent. For
this time Stirlitz had to consider the words
Bormann and Bormann guessed that Stirlitz
he was distracted. "Lead by the nose" - thought Borman and
deftly turned the conversation in another direction. - Listen,
Stirlitz, you have such extensive ties. Could you get a little
virus with stelsovskoy protection? - Can.
"This all may be" - thought Bormann. Stirlitz often promised
anything Bormann, as however, and everything else, but never
did anything. Stirlitz bummed at Bormann still a couple of
floppy disks, mechanically stuck lying on the table streamer
tape under his arm and headed for the exit. Borman threw to
your PC and dramatically open the top drive. Around the door at
ten centimeters from the floor taut tape from the printer.
Stirlitz abruptly jumped over her, and saying "Goodbye", and
disappeared behind the door. "Professional!" - Moaned Bormann.
Yes, Stirlitz was a professional. He did not
tear tape streamer from the system on display hall, as he had
done in his place English or Paraguayan SysOp, and chose the
most secluded place in the Reich. Going into the WC Stirlitz
discovered a fresh inscription "SHTIRLITS - cattle and RUSSIAN
SYSOP". Stirlitz carefully crossed out the word "SYSOP" and
wrote the word "programmer", and attributed to the bottom
"Borman - also a beast." There he watched the tape with a file
Pastor Schlag. In his mind began to mature yet unclear, but
already the plan.
To be continued ...
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