JOKES
In the House comes to a doctor:
- Patient, I have two news for you:
good and bad. I'll start with the bad. You yesterday cut off
the wrong foot, but do not worry today employs experienced team
of professionals and I am sure, now cut off that necessary.
- Well and good! Which is good news!
- A neighbor in the ward agrees to buy your
shoes.
*
Landing aircraft. People go
the ramp. One fall down his pants.
- Zadolbal Aeroflot: fasten seat belts,
rastegnite belts ...
*
Aircraft engines stalled, he promptly banked. Immediately out
of the cab pilot with a parachute.
- Do not worry, gentlemen passengers! I'm going to land for
the help!
*
At the dog market is noisy, committed
transaction. Buyer inspects on all
sides of the dog, who came to his liking.
- He has a family tree? -
he asks the seller.
- Why? He enjoyed by anyone.
*
Worker fell from scaffolding
falls down. The foreman shouted to him from below:
- Pull devil, Vasya! For you brick flies!
*
The doctor asks the patient:
- What do you have?
- Pain in the groin.
- Take off your coat.
The patient is undressed, the doctor stared at him:
- Why do you iron shorts?
- Protect from AIDS.
- Why do my toes do not?
- Yes, a rubber band snapped.
*
Accountant audit the accounts, which brought the employee
from a business trip. - What sort of astronomical sum?
- The bill for the hotel.
- Who authorized you to buy the hotel?
*
Malchik found a tin can, is coming to a policeman.
- Uncle policeman, go!
The policeman knocked at the bank and said:
- Open up, police!
*
Police stopped a car on the road.
The driver, a charming woman, exceeded
speed. She tries to soften the heart
guardian of order:
- God! How do you like Alain Delon!
- So you like movies?
- Madly! - Meets the queen, rejoicing that
Shifting the conversation.
- Excellent! Consider yourself lucky.
The judge before whom you stand, like Jean Gabena.
*
Podbigaet child to his mother and asks:
- Mom, is sobering burn?
- What are you, sonny, no.
- And why dad walking down the street and sings:
<Enemies have burnt native hut>>.
*
One of the participants in the collision on the road
stretches out another bottle: - Have a sip. It will support
you in our common misfortune.
- Thank you. And you do not drink?
- No, I'll wait for the police ...
*
Caught once the new Russian gold
fish and asks:
- What do you want a goldfish?
*
The daughter of police commissioner returned home at night
and says: - Dad, I'm pregnant.
Then, pulling from her bag a few sheets of paper, adds:
- And here's a list of suspects.
*
- You know, Mom, I will not marry nikoga
the person who snores at night.
- It is very reasonable, my daughter - Endorses
mother .- Just be please careful
during testing.
*
- Mamochka is Robert.
- And where did you meet?
- In bed.
*
- Mom, do you remember you told me that the way to a man's
heart is through his stomach? Asked over dinner a young
daughter. - Yes. So what?
- Nothing. Just last night I found
a completely different way!
*
"He forced me to undress and began to threaten.
- Knife? Gun?
- Worse! Said that otherwise, with me not getting married ...
*
Vosemnadtsateletnyaya girl returns
home at dawn. At the threshold of her encounters
Mother:
- For God's sake, where have you been? Yes, I was your age.
- In "My Years," Mom, I was already half a year.
*
- I never went to bed with a man until then, until she married
tvego father - said his strict mother
rebellious daughter .- Can you say
the same thing to his daughter?
- Will, Mom, but not so honest
expression on his face like yours - smiled
daughter.
*
Abdomen with Catherine has grown significantly, to conceal
sin no longer be there, and she admitted the mother was
pregnant. - Oh God! - Wailed the mother .- And who is the
father? - How do I know? - Daughter whimpered. -
After all, you said that to me early to get married!
*
In love with a young man tells the girl is looked after by:
- Your brother excellent villain! Today
morning, he said he saw me about
your bed. And threatened to report
this to your father. What should I do?
- Here's a scoundrel! Usually he is satisfied
five crowns.
*
Parents are allowed to meet with Giselle
Lucien, but hews to their
relationship nezashli too far. Once
morning, the father asks his daughter:
- And do not you think that Lucien was too long delayed for us?
- What are you, Dad! I'll treat you to coffee, and
he leaves.
- In that case, ask him to not
fasten with a my morning paper.
*
- Tell me, Johnny, you peep through the keyhole, when we with
your sister locked in her room?
- Yes, it happens. But only if you do not look for my father
or my sister Betty.
*
Young people invited to his home
girl. He was very modest and shy, always afraid that she might
not have thought wrong, even a bottle of wine is not purchased.
She she came with a bundle under his arm.
-What is this?
-Alarm to not oversleep in the morning.
*
- My daughter, I bring up a very strict!
No gulyanok! Not yet married, she
should be home no later than eight. I
does not intend to in the evenings instead of bathe
little son!
*
The lady, having a daughter is not quite solid
ethical principles that once made
attack on another suitor:
- That you do not like my daughter?
- I like, but I'd like to marry
girl clean and serious.
- But my Lily is just so true. You know, she spends all his
evenings alone in a society only his parrot. Come along and you
see for yourself.
And she led the boy into a room of his innocent daughter.
There's pride on the crossbar sat magnificent parrot. Seeing a
young man, he said: - Hello, my treasure! Just be quiet,
because the number of mom ...
