JOKES
"Crocodile" - "Smiles of different latitudes"
Mom sprsila small pellet:
- Whom do you want - sister
or brother?
- If it's not really affect your
figure, then I would prefer to bike ...
*
The captain wrote in his logbook: "The navigator was drunk
today." After a few days duty navigator. He wrote in his
logbook: "Today, the captain was sober."
*
- Remember, my son: only the early bird
gets the worm - said moralizing father's son. - So what needs
to be sooner rise.
- How about a worm? - Asked the boy. - Do not fool if he got
that earlier birdies?
- You are wrong, - said he thought the father.
- This worm does not go to sleep - he
returning home from a party.
*
- Do you love me? - Lusk, asked
she said.
- Of course - he says.
- Did you marry me?
- What have you got in the habit of always changing
topic of conversation?
*
Two friends stopped at a little
hotel. Morning, one asks another:
- Well, how do you sleep?
- Very bad. I'm in bed, was dead flea.
- So it also could not disturb you.
- It is not could, but at her funeral and
funeral brought together about fifty relatives.
*
Very high customer enters the store
and trying on shoes. All rooms are
he is too young. Finally bring
Shoes 49-th size.
- And this number is small.
Then the seller said grimly:
- Excuse me, sir, but after the 49-th size already begin
suitcases.
*
In a jail cell (it happens in South America) pushed three
chelovek.Arestanty begin to get acquainted with each other.
- You got what? - Ask first.
- For what I am against the president.
- And you? - Ask the second.
- For what I'm for the president.
- And what do you get here? - Refer to
third.
- For what I am president ...
*
- Do you know what a cigarette?
-?
- Poisonous stick with the light on one
end and a suicide in another.
*
The monkey sat on the bank of the river and concentrated
rinsed in water, a banana peel. Floating alligator stared at
she finally asked:
- Tell me, what are you doing? Way in
did not really take it.
- Give me a dollar, then I will tell.
- Okay, tell me more.
Monkey cleverly hid the dollar and said:
- You see, rinse banana peel.
- Is that all?
- That's all.
- What a fool you are!
- Maybe a fool, but without thirty dollars
never go away.
*
Renowned author discusses in
train with the pastor of Holy Scripture.
- But you must admit that God created
man before a woman - said the pastor.
- I do not mind. I myself have been using the same
method: when writing a book, you first do
Draft ...
*
The police man rushes and says:
- I've come to surrender.
- What have you done?
- I punched my wife ...
- And killed her?
- What are you! Not even scratched.
- Well, that's nothing. You may go.
- No way! She stands behind that door.
*
The beggar holds out two hats - one in
each hand - and explains the surprised passers-by:
- You see, sir, life is expensive, so
and had to open a branch.
*
On the train ride two Englishmen. One of them
clears the bananas, salt, and throws out the window.
- Excuse me, sir, what are you doing this?
- I do not like pickled bananas.
*
Teacher Hansen was taken to hospital
and after helping put in the ward.
- Car accident? - Asked the neighbor.
- No, the typo in the textbook on chemistry.
*
- The colors of the Norwegian flag are the same as
and the U.S.: the red, white and blue -
tells the host farm, Americans, came to spend the summer in the
mountains of Norway. - I always remember them when I send
notice of tax: red, having received it, beleyu when I see the
amount of taxes and sineyu when write a check for non-payment.
- With me the same thing: - sadly assents American - only I
still stars from his eyes roll in ...
*
Cleric - the boy:
- You read a prayer before eating?
- No. My mother was a good cook.
*
.......
