SMILE WITH U.S.
On New Year's night the little boy wakes up and sees that
under the tree someone fumbling. The boy happily exclaims:
- Santa Claus! Santa Claus! That you are! I always knew
that you have in fact, and everyone thinks that you are not.
Now I tell everybody that you exist! It is true as you exist,
Santa Claus? "
Santa Claus turns to the boy:
- True, the boy ... and now I have to kill you! : E ~ ~ ~
After a meeting of the New Year.
- Madam, could you show me the way home?
- Can ...
- And how do you know where I live? We have that, you know?
- Shut up, you moron! I'm your wife!
- My wife and I met at our club on New Year's Masquerade!
- Oh, how romantic!
- Where are romantic?! I thought she was sitting at home with
children ...
- Come with me to celebrate the New Year - invite a friend
another.
- Does your wife know?
- You bet! Because of this, this morning I rolled it a grand
Scandal ...
- If I'm forced to stay on mission - the husband says
his wife - and not come back for the New Year, I'll send you
a body gram.
- You can not send! I had already read, it lies in a pocket
your coat!
One friend tells another how he spent New Year's Eve:
- We started with a neighbor earlier in the day. Then he
wandered on to friends as
celebrated New Year - do not remember. Back home in the
morning.
The door lock is not closed. Look in the room, and there is my
to lie in bed with some guy. I go to the kitchen, and there on
table, drinks, hors d'oeuvres ... Finished all that was, and
then look at:
refrigerator and furniture in the kitchen is not mine!
Female 45 years old at the telegraph office supplies stocked
telegraph telegram form. Telegraph reads: "Congratulations NEW
YEAR Favorite granddaughter Lialechka PTA beloved grandson
Petenka PTA WAY Daughter Nina STOP "and referring to the woman
says:
- You would be much cheaper to write "I congratulate all
HAPPY NEW YEAR. "
- What next! There's still there and the son!
- And do not go for us to New Year's Eve somewhere fun! -
my wife says to her husband.
- Great idea! - Happy husband. - I put the key on
apartment under the rug by the door, so you know where he is,
if vertex neshsya home earlier than me ...
- Darling, you give me for Christmas?
- Next year I'll give you the earrings ... And this year - two
holes for them!
Half an hour later comes the New Year. The deserted streets
in a hurry home a couple with full shopping-bags. They stumble
upon blyuyuschego drunk.
- Look, - upbraids husband wife - people are already having
fun! And you
all in the last minute!
Five minutes to eleven in hairdressing chair sat a man. When
the barber lathered his face, the client realized that the
master already begun to celebrate the New Year.
- You're drunk! I'm afraid that you cut yourself ... I -
Screamed the client.
- Do you ... you will not be afraid ... I like you just show
me where you have chin.
Telephone conversation with the New Year:
- Hello, this insurance company? Tell us, we can insure
house on the phone?
- No, it's impossible. Now we will send a representative, and
He will sign an agreement with you.
- Well, send. Hurry up, but then we already dogo
raet tree and starts to smoke the carpet!
What an amazing country of Russia: A New Year begins dating
somewhere in the Far East, and end up somewhere under the
table.
Over the New Year has a lot of jokes. Here's a newspaper,
read, my aunt is buying equipment (any), other tablets and etc.
Then I called a woman today with one office and asked
how much she had to floppies to copy the screw (they should
disc at 2.6 tons):-o.
I wonder wonder why? To which I received a very clever
convincing answer.
- How why, during the transition in the 21 st century in all
everything is erased, and I will have a backup copy on floppy
disks! :-).
On the New Year at the post office received the letter. On
the envelope, gnarled children's handwriting reads: "Santa
Claus". Well, the postman opened and read:
"Hello dear Grandfather Frost, I love you very much. Present
me please on New Year's warm boots, coats and a scarf, and
then my parents were very poor and can not buy me a warm
clothes, and I have nothing to go to school. "
Postmen tears, chipped in as much as they could have bought
coat and shoes, a scarf for money were not enough. A couple of
days receive a second letter:
"Dear Grandfather Frost, Thank you very much for your gift.
Coats and boots are very warm and comfortable, and now I can
go to school with all the other guys. A scarf to me
reached. Perhaps the post office stole ... "<:-()!
31-th, in the liquor store.
People in the store was once a 3 more than last New
Year. One man to another:
- Heard the news? Yeltsin resigned gone.
- (Looking back at all): This is the joy in the shop so many
people came?
Well, finally this one, not a New Year's joke:
Is the operation:
- Doctor, I think not sleep!
- What are you talking about? (Continues to operate with
enthusiasm).
- Really do not sleep!
- It can not be! (Makes the cut).
- A-ah! It hurts!
- See you! Really is not sleeping!
- I told you so!
- That's Keeping Mum ... with chloroform. By the way, sister
Give him another.
- Kaif, a doctor, but you can still?
- Can.
- Kaif! What else?
- You can! Give him a mallet on the head!
BOOM!
- A wild rush! And Mallet possible?
- Enough with you. And get used to something else.
- Doctor, how is it?
- Do not bother, it hurts!
- Well, I can go!
- No, no stay! In general, do not worry - a bullet passed
bleed. By the way, that for the nerd in you shooting?
- Why a nerd?
- Who is it shoots! We had to just above and to the left!
- Well, then I lie to a woman, no one, except it does not
touch. Then her husband came!
- And, then shot her husband!
- No, not my husband! Well, I jumped out the window, flying
himself, no one
touch. And fell to the beloved dog of the precinct!
- The district, therefore shot?
- Shoot, but missed. I run, naked, on the street, no one
touch, and here a maniac, sexual assault!
- A maniac in you got?
- No, he strangled a little! Well that rockers went there
once attracts.
- Rockers, whether that was shot?
- Shooting, but got only a maniac. I'm running on, or
who do not touch, ran into a commercial shop, and there
one hundred birth!
- Shot?
- No, I shot back. Follow me reketiry come.
- They fired?
- Why did they shoot? They told me to put a guard on the
floor and
soldering iron is applied. Well keeper before his death
confessed
that I have nothing to do with, and they let me go. I came
out of the store,
and then she pulled a pistol from her purse and began to me
shoot!
- So the girl you hurt!
- Nooo, the gun was a gas, a nerve action
conditions. I come, then home - naked under the gas, all in
bruises. And there-in-law out the door popped up with a
shotgun.
- I??
- Yeah, got ... pyzhom wife in the ass!
- Patient, I'd shot himself in your place!
- What do you think I get here?
:-))) :-))) :-))) :-)))
