NEW Adventures SHTIRLITSA OR
NINETEENTH TEC SPRINGS
PREFACE
In the EC and the process was Stirlitz
formatting the hard drive.
Stalin turned his back on
monitor and asked:
- Comrade Zhyukov, you do not
infected?
- No, Comrade Stalin.
- Then let the last AIDSTEST.
Zhukov humbly sighed, pulled out
right pocket box diskettes and
handed it to Stalin. Crumble a few
diskette into the phone, Chief
thoughtfully lit by a stretched KC.
Ten minutes later he asked:
- And how are things in the western market?
- Auction - simply said Zhukov.
- And how it feels to friend
Isaev?
- It is hard, - said sadly
Beetles.
- It's good - said Stalin. - Y
I is for him a new job ...
And in the EC and the process was Stirlitz
formatting the hard drive.
CHAPTER A 1
Low smoky ceiling EC "Three
programmer was nearly black from
floppy disks, the walls were izrisovany scenes
of the famous fairy tale, after which
was named VC. Played in the EC is not very
well programmed worse, but
this is not to scare away his regulars
Scared away their friend. Recently,
the Computing Center got into the habit to look
Standartenfiihrer CC von Stirlitz.
And now he sat at the far
terminal, which was made to
computers at seven, and printers
to eight. Stirlitz was alone and no one
not expected. Sometimes it gets boring
He pulls from his pocket drive with
inscription "program at
Isaev for the release of the Far East
by Felix Dzerzhinsky and
with fifty mean the true system
Programmer formatted lurking
cockroaches in the corners.
- Lit here! - He shouted. - A mess!
Indeed, the EC was a mess.
The floor was flooded with cheap toner
spit-covered and piled disks.
The impression that each
considered it his duty to bestow, if not complete
BAD BLOCK'ami, at least, spit or
something to throw. Every now and then, stepping
through puddles, and mothers were pro
ists. At the next table, four
SS dirty molested cute
lab. She liked it, and it
silly giggling. In one corner, burying
person in the VGA-monitor, lying
who beat unterofitser without floppy, but
the cartridge. Sometimes he would begin
dissatisfied but toss and turn and published
loud sounds indecent. Two
war veteran, playing in a TETRIS
Stand quietly, talking about events
the Kursk Exchange. Young
programmistik in the company of two girls
suspicious-looking loud
pains of what he is good fellow, and
how well he plays in the Crystal Caves.
Stirlitz scored a big piece of
grams, scratch your finger on the roll will
magicians and watchful eyes scanned the surrounding distorting
the reality of a decaying Germany, occasionally holding up
look at the some outstanding details nance
ing between the tables laborantok.
- What are these bastards SysOp'y -
all of a sudden said, young
programmistik. - I would put them all
through one and removed one by one.
The room was silent. All
looked at Shtirlitsa. Stirlitz
spat out a piece of paper, stood up, and
overturning the three tables, marched
went to the high-handed to the programmer.
- Pig custom -
he hissed and slapped him across the face.
- Sorry, I do not quite understand ... -
babbled fluttered programmer.
Stirlitz lost his temper, and seizing
printer, hit him on the head
hapless user. He fell, and
Stirlitz began viciously kicking his legs.
- I, a Russian programmer Isaev, not
let dirty dog yuzerovskomu
offend Russian Sysop!
Four SS men rushed
separate the fighters. Amused
Shtirlitsa dragged from moaning
programmer, and to comfort,
proposed a toast to Pascal, for
Assembler.
- Yes - said Stirlitz little
calmed down. He drank a mug of toner
red SS readily poured
second, Stirlitz drank some more, the programmer
he was not interested.
- Well as you can, - whispered to one of
sistemschikov sobbing programmer -
at the very Stirlitz say such things about
SysOp'ah, and yes even in these terms!
I would have you killed in his place.
- Stirlitz - good soul - sigh
the second soldier - I remember three days
back then they beat the Japanese virologist,
so everything was kicked and Stirlitz - no.
- Good people - confirmed
first systems analyst, and they brought
programmer to fresh air.
Stirlitz embracing with the SS,
sang "Basic zoldaten.
Who beat unterofitser raised
head of lettuce, surveyed the room hazy
look and enthusiastically shouted:
- Long live the PL / I!
The whole room jumped up, throwing up his hands,
the walls shook with the roar of the response:
- Hurray!
A Stirlitz already asleep, dreaming of him
monitors, the Russian 486-th and 586 th,
I dreamed him naked girls from GIF-ovsky
pictures, and he pry them from
under the table.
Now he sleeps, but exactly
half an hour, he wakes up to continue
its not easy to correct for the Motherland
work.
T CHAPTER 2.
The office Mueller was safe,
in which Muller kept the files of all
employees of the Reich. He often with Lubo
View climbed into his safe for the queue
nym file to replenish it, Vos
Lost Cluster'y becoming, simply by
read or print. But the last
rare,
For Muller, as the true
collector who did not like to part with
files of their wards. Safes
files were almost all employees
Reich, except Shtirlitsa, but this
extensive collection of works was not
anyone, even the most Kaltenbrunera.
This
There was a small and innocent hobby boss
Gestapo. In his collection were Wirth
Kernighan and Ritchie, Kloksin and Mellish,
Knut, Bormann, Stirlitz and even the
Kaltenbruner.
Obergruppenfiihrer sitting at the computer screen and
pressed the button PgDn. On the screen
leafing through the file Bormann, it was one of
very large files in his safe.
Mueller was whistling an aria from Mefistofilya
Faust, and by pressing F7, searching for loved
line.
Parteigenosse Bormann was fine
Virology. If Bormann did not succeed valos write any virus, it
considered passing day disappeared. If
do we get somebody shit, Bohr
Man fell asleep peacefully, with kindness, happiness
livoy smile on his face. Favorite diskette
Bormann, who was lying in his
office was infected by all types of
viruses, and therefore all had
go to Bormann only taped
disks. Mueller, who has not zakleek
was, by this very suffering. Once
he was careless enough to bring Bo
rmanu Space Quest, and was grossly contaminated
Dir'om. Disk had
format. Since then they have to
Bormann became bitter enemies.
Bormann was a fan of underlay Knoop
ki on chairs, drawing on the backs of official ditch chalked
the word "Basic", pulling in dark corridors of complex systems
Verevo check, which stumbled on the unhappy
victim, at best, falling or Obley valas toner, and at worst
- Received in the head by a laser
printer. Special love Bormann
used the toilets. Which only
to the program he wrote on the doors
and walls, and sometimes from Redraws
GIF obscene pictures. Under one
of these pictures, he signed "a
Eva Faun. "Fuhrer was offended and asked
he same, Bormann, find out who did it.
Two months, all in the Reich cringe
to Bormann, and even invented Stirlitz
version, to protect themselves from
suspicion that it has made Chinese
Virology. In the end, hurt
Admiral Canaris, who inadvertently
won Bormann in preference to new
lab. Laboratory assistant were the second
Bormann passion. He now and then fired
alone, and hire others, changed
lab with Himmler, Schellenberg,
asked to give lab Muller, but
Mueller refused. In Reich Bormann not
loved, but feared. Who else nice
see your name on the wall of the toilet?
Bormann was a fat, bald and zlopamyaten.A
Bormann himself at that time was busy with affairs mi. Toner
stained finger to daub it on the toilet door sign: "SHTIRLITS
- cattle and RUSSIAN SYSOP". Chmoknuv contentedly, tugged
Borman the rope and went out. But he carefully formatted
disks, and with a sense of accomplishment went to his
study. The day promised to be successful.
In the study Borman opened the safe,
locked up for seven secret locks and
poked his head inside. Yesterday he
weighed in a safe plate in Russian
"Ruski sysops smaret zaprischeno!
Someone corrected the errors in red toner
and signed: "Borman fool." Borman
took a Russian-German dictionary, translated the
and logically have thought: "Someone has corrected
Error ... means that someone got into the safe ...
it is not me ... hence it is Russian SysOp ...
plus everything he personally knows of Bormann.
Consequently, I know him too. "Borman
long thought of Xia. Half an hour later he
guessed search fingerprints.
Half an hour later he found them. Apparently,
Russian spy ate paper. Coil of
Roll was standing in the safe. "Here
felt work Shtirlitsa. Interestingly,
What would Kaltenbruner? Borman in
zdohnul. Stirlitz not communicate with
worth, anyway think of something,
still find yourself to blame. Knew it
everything. Borman sighed once more and pulled out
from the safe file Pastor Schlag. For
pastor, he has long watched with interest.
This man had extensive x Feminized
clientele. The pastor was running for any
women: young and old,
beautiful and not very good, and sistemschitsami
programmer at and vice versa, and women
responsible to him in that Bormann
which women did not like very
surprised and even angered.
"Why should one man so many women?
I understand if they were, firstly,
lab, and secondly, I have as well ...
Perhaps he works for someone else's BBS.
Most likely, this is not our BBS. Following
Consequently, foreign - Borman under
nyal thumbs up. -
It must feel ... "
And Bormann, call Aysmanu, gave
disposal.
From a strong kick door
opened, and entered the room scowling
and sleepy Stirlitz.
- Borman! Give AIDSTEST!
"The old Shtirlitsa AIDSTEST, -
Borman thought, holding out a box for
diskettes with the profile of Hitler - then he is
wrote a lot. Much has been written, when they think
hence it much thought. Stirlitz just
does not think so, then it's something
up to. "
And Bormann looked honest eyes
Shtirlitsa.
- How are you?
- Bad.
"I, as always, right! - Overjoyed
Borman. - Exactly planning something! Must
his touch. "
- Would you like to methyl alcohol?
- No, - Shtirlitsa wince. -
Better toner.
Bormann pressed the button, and entered
lab. Stirlitz it has never seen before.
- NEW?
- Yes - boasted Bormann.
- And nothing - approved Stirlitz.
- I also like - said
Borman flattered. - Toner bring,
expensive.
- Yes, Parteigenosse.
Lab brought toner and became
wait for further instructions.
- You can go - waved
Borman.
Lab, a disappointed shake
hips, left. Stirlitz looked up
from the door and took the mug with a cartridge.
- Sit down, - has offered Bormann
substituting the chair.
Stirlitz familiar gesture brushed with
chair and sat down buttons.
"Note - poisonous thought Bormann
- Shtirlitsa the buttons will not take.
Sense the hand of Moscow. "
Shtirlitsa eyes turned green.
- A good toner, - he said.
Dark bitch cat. Deceive wants.
No, brother Isayev, that's a mug's game. And do not
Do I play with it a joke? What if
it is very subtle hint that they
asked Peter Norton? "
- Stirlitz! Why you are interested in
Peter Norton! - Cried Bormann.
Stirlitz choked. With Norton, it
met only once, and one on
reception of the Fuhrer. Stirlitz was currently
high regard as a systems analyst, but
This thought never entered his
head.
Norton can be a valuable agent.
We must seek the center. "
Stirlitz stood up and blew his nose in
curtain.
"Bite or not?" - Thought Bormann.
Stirlitz looked out the window.
- What drives with this kitty! - Said
he poems - Look, Borman.
Borman took from the table Zeiss
binoculars and went to Stirlitz. Minute they
silent. During this time, had Stirlitz
ponder the words of Bormann and Bormann
guessed that his Stirlitz distracted.
"Lead by the nose" - thought Bormann and
deftly turned the conversation in another direction.
- Listen, Stirlitz, you have such
extensive links. Could you get
small virus with stelsovskoy protection?
- Can.
"This all may be" - thought Bormann.
Stirlitz often promised anything
Bormann, for that matter, and all
others, but never did anything.
Stirlitz bummed at all Bormann
a couple of floppy disks, mechanical thrust
lying on the table under the tape streamer
arm and headed for the exit.
Bormann was rushed to the computer and sharply
open the top drive. About itself
doors to ten inches from the floor
taut tape from the printer. Stirlitz
abruptly jumped over it and saying
"Goodbye", and disappeared behind the door.
"Professional!" - Moaned Bormann.
Yes, Stirlitz was a professional. He
did not break the tape from streamer
system on display hall, as would have acted on
its place in English or Paraguay
SysOp, and chose the most secluded place in the
Reich.
Going into the water closet Stirlitz
discovered a fresh inscription "SHTIRLITS -
Cattle and RUSSIAN SYSOP ". Stirlitz
carefully crossed out the word "SYSOP" and
inscribed the word "programmer", and below
attributed to "Borman - also a beast."
There he watched the tape with
File Pastor Schlag. In his mind
begun to mature yet unclear, but
plan.
CHAPTER A 3
When Eismann woke him up, was already
end of the workday. Stirlitz left on
the street, pulled out a pack of floppy disks and maliciously
showed the sentry. Mint step was
company of the SS, drove
armored personnel carriers, splash Shtirlitsa
spray.
"Scott - thought Stirlitz -
played enough and leave. You would
market, lice feed ... "
At the word "feed" Stirlitz
wanted paper. He put his pack
floppy back in his pocket. Spat two
times under his feet and decided to go in another
CC.
Stepping on the evening of Berlin 0ShtiE
people thought about various unpleasant things.
First, it ended with a place on vinches
cluster, and had vse0szhimat. In the second √ x, I wonder what
other commands algebra it can get from Norton, and
whether to allow the contact center. And finally,
lab Shtirlitsa suddenly fell ill and
asked to come home to her husband. All three
things ought to inform the center. And on
connection to the center Stirlitz not go
loved.
Thinking Shtirlitsa distracted group
Young women discharged, which
loudly, giggling, smoking on the corner and
looked in his direction.
"Bollocks" - thought Stirlitz.
"Stirlitz" - thought whores.
- Stirlitz! And not in the EC are you going? -
asked one of them, coyly
straightening hair.
- Come, - said the gallant Stirlitz
and took her arm.
American agent 008, which
usually assigned the most difficult cases
was abandoned in Berlin to Clarifying the thread so long ago
in Germany mania Russian SysOp Stirlitz, but at the same time
pereverbovat try it. Agent such cases have been accustomed.
Just these days he pereverboval Pakistani
Sysop, who worked as a secretary
Mussolini in Italy.
Stirlitz also presented
agent easy prey. For two days the agent
008 managed to track down and collect Shtirlitsa
it is so extensive BackUp, which
This would envy itself Myul ler.
Agent 008 followed by self Stirlitz
ICDO Reichstag. When Stirlitz came from
his partner in the EC, the agent got off the bikes
Yes, and pinned him to the lock-box. Vsunuv
porter piece of paper with printing, he dos tal ISOT'ovskuyu
diskette and entered the hall. Choosing a table around
Shtiintsa rlitsa agent, sat down, put your feet on the table
and snapped his fingers:
- Bartender! Toner on the sand!
Two programmers around the stage, where
highly podkidyvaya lovely legs
cancan dancing, looked at each other.
- In my opinion, this is an American SysOp, whispered
odin.Slishkom system. Add just in case his Point.
The second, more passionate girls
of variety than some American
Sysops, mechanically nodded and yelled:
- Encore!
Stirlitz, hugging his girlfriend,
was holding a glass of toner, and HC-treated her to read
Kernighan and Ritchie in his translation. Sitting next to cross
Doi systems analyst was trying to clearly conceived
GOVERNMENTAL stories about his adventures
in VC fascinate young girl and the time
replacements drowned Shtirlitsa.
Stirlitz several times
dissatisfied looked in his direction, but
respect for the gray hair did not swear.
Agent 008 got a lighter, made
three photograph and lit.
- That came out from under the table at
printer - a husky drunken voice prophesied
bored all the general - and the hall
SysOp'y. Disks around they hiss, and I
cartridge heads, yell "Clear!", and on
me from the modem - the peak-peak to peak.
Loud laughter from drunken esesotsev
windows blocked his words:
- Quite zavralsya old ass!
The general looked around and realized that
laugh at him. He drew his sword.
- It's you, a custom rat
me fighting a programmer ...
_______________________________________
Continued in the next issue ...
