Stories about Lenin - (3/3)

=============================================================================== | Forwarded by Vyacheslav Mednonogov (500:812/1.30) | Area : SU.HUMOR (Area from /675) | From : Dmitriy@now.at, 2:5020/400 (11 Nov 00 11:25) | To: All | Subj : Stories about Lenin - (3/3) =============================================================================== Reply-To: Dmitriy@now.at From: "Dmitriy Kozyrev" Hello All! - --- How Lenin wrote about empirio-criticism Vladimir Ilyich wrote many smart books. He writes during the day and rereads at night. When he reads it, he will be surprised. Here, they say, are the Christmas trees, what a piece of crap he turned! And the next day he will write a book even harder. And one day Vladimir Ilyich wanted write a book that could be read anyway. And from top to bottom, and from bottom to top. And from left to right, and from right to the left. Lenin struggled for a long time, but the book still didn’t work out. Vladimir didn’t have enough Ilyich words to bubble up such a book. And he went for a walk. And a cart drove by. The foolish man opened his mouth. Joke whether - I saw Lenin! And a wheel on your foot Lenin and ran over him. Vladimir Ilyich could not restrain himself and shouted: “What are you like, my friend...empirio-criticism!" It is unknown how burst out. Lenin came running home and in three hours the book “Imperialism and empirio-criticism" and wrote. In any direction read, complete nonsense. We had an exam at the institute using this book. NotBelieve me, the teachers themselves fell asleep on it! Here what a wonderful book it turned out to be. Why does Lenin always wear a polka dot tie? Nadezhda Konstantinovna always told Lenin: “You have no sense, Volodenka, fantasies. Why the hell are you talking about this obscenity? "Are you wearing it around your neck?" And for his tie, and for his tie. And Vladimir Ilyich answered her: "You don't understand anything, Nadezhda Konstantinovna. These are difficult and hungry times. If I don't wear a tie with polka dots, but, say, in pork chops, they won’t understand me workers." And to her, my dear. Since then she has had eyes outside and climbed out. And Vladimir Ilyich tie never changed. They say he died in it. Why did they come up with "History of the CPSU" When Vladimir Ilyich was still alive, there were no special stories about him happened. Well, the opportunists will play tricks there, or the revisionists will raise a fuss. And so - nothing. Green melancholy. One day Lenin convened the Central Committee and said: “Why It is we, comrades, who live without stories. The flies are dying of boredom. It's a shame, honestly word." His comrades, understandably, tensed up. And they came up with "History of the CPSU". At first it was called “History of the CPSU (b)”. But everyone I didn’t like this very “b”. Damn her knows where it came from. So they added a new word to “History” - “CPSU”. That's right. "SS" is not for you some kind of "b". At first, those who did not recognize the “History of the CPSU” were shot. Then they simply put us in a camp. Then plantstopped. And now for those who don’t particularly notice in “History”, the orders appropriated. This, brothers, is the story. Lenin and H.G. Wells Many tales have been written about how H.G. Wells visited Lenin came. And about electrification, and about “give We're twenty years old." But this is what really happened. English arrived in Moscow writer H.G. Wells. As usual, he is in The Kremlin was invited and seated at the table. And they ate with Vladimir Ilyich until green devils. One vodka about a bucket ate. Yes, there are a lot of port wines. A week later, Herbert Wells opened his eyes, but still nothing is visible. swollen face from Soviet hospitality. At least put matches in your eyes. Collected by Herbert Wells suitcases, and out of harm's way, drove off home. And already at home I composed the book “Russia in the Darkness”. I'm lying, of course. Why was Vladimir Ilyich afraid of doctors? Lenin avoided doctors, that’s for sure. But not because he was afraid of poisoning, but completely for another reason. At that time across the country The trend was to give Lenin symbolic gifts. Peasants raised six poods of potatoes, poods are sent as a gift Lenin. We assembled a tractor from old beds - for Lenin. Miners have excess coal they chopped up the trolley for Ilyich. And all this with bang in print. With a roar throughout the entire Soviet country. And somehow it opens once Lenin, the latest issue of the newspaper "Pravda". A there is a portrait of some Ukrainian village doctor. Heals, brute, peoplewitchcraft methods. And in the hands of this horseman here is a rubber bulb. And the inscription: “This hundred thousandth clyster is for you, Vladimir Ilyich! Ugh, shame on one! Why does Lenin lie in the mausoleum? Indeed, why is he lying in the mausoleum when the rest of the citizens are in the ground? bury? And here's the story. When Vladimir Ilyich realized that he would not live two hundred years, he called the most famous taxidermists. And he says to them: “When I die, comrades, stuff me into a life-size stuffed animal. And install on Red Square. Let everything they see that I have lived, that I am alive and that I will live." He said so and quickly actually died. Taxidermists performed everything according to order. The scarecrow turned out just right. Cool stuffed animal. Installed him on Red Square. And the people went to look at the effigy of the leader. This is where the problem happened. Vladimir Ilyich and I was not handsome in life. And after death He basically turned into a freak. Pregnant women, as soon as they see him, immediately will give birth. Party comrades, those who more intelligent, they swoon at the stuffed animal. Even the proletariat, and even those such a picture is absolutely appetizing beats. So we had to build a separate room for the stuffed Lenin. Yes it lies there. Anyone who wants can do it in person look. In a horizontal position it is not so disgusting. Quite the contrary. The dried guy is lying there. Like that Tutankhamun. Only morefresh. How humane Vladimir Ilyich is he was a man. Smart people say that we still don’t know everything about Vladimir Ilyich. During the years of developed socialism, many the facts of Vladimir Ilyich’s biography were hidden from the people. The government was afraid that Soviet workers will think that Vladimir Ilyich is an ordinary person. Meanwhile, that’s how it was. Vladimir Ilyich, for example, really didn’t like it when he During his lifetime, monuments were erected. He sees a monument to himself and says: “This is what, the sculptor Tomsky? Immediately intern! Why did he give me monkey hands?” And also Vladimir Ilyich I couldn't stand it when children cried. He will stop near a crying street child and say: “Comrades, why are you over Are you kidding me? Better shoot him." Vladimir Ilyich respected intelligent people. He said this to Gorky: “Our intelligentsia - g..." And at the same time, neither one swear word. Very Vladimir Ilyich comrades valued the party. They say that in his secret will he wrote - “Comrade Bukharin, as a favorite of the party, in no case torture." It’s a pity that Joseph Vissarionovich didn’t listen... Vladimir Ilyich and loved to joke. One day he will kill all Russians tickled literature. But, at the same time, Vladimir Ilyich was also able to make mistakes. admit. He, for example, admitted the mistakes of Martov and Plekhanov. What can I say, the guy was smart... People like Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, once amillennium are born. And that's very good. Because the next one will appear not earlier than in a thousand years. - --- Best regards, Dmitry. -+- ifmail v.2.15dev5 + Origin: The author expresses gratitude to Alphabet for kindly predosing (2:5020/400) ===========ReadMeAgain====================================================================== Get Msg, All! [I.ZX] --------------------------------> Warm greetings, Slava! Virtual Real Unit <-------- Faint Pearl mailme: copper_feet@mail.ru icq#me: 81191986