Stories about Lenin - (1/3)

=============================================================================== | Forwarded by Vyacheslav Mednonogov (500:812/1.30) | Area : SU.HUMOR (Area from /675) | From : Dmitriy@now.at, 2:5020/400 (11 Nov 00 11:25) | To: All | Subj : Stories about Lenin - (1/3) =============================================================================== Reply-To: Dmitriy@now.at From: "Dmitriy Kozyrev" Hello All! - --- "Stories about Lenin" Nikolai Nadezhdin *** (Dedicated to the Red Day of the calendar) In our cheerful era there is an acute shortage of myths. And without myths it is impossible the people's dream of a happy life. Instead of Today we have jokes about myths. But a joke will not motivate people to work feat, for mass construction, and even more so more, to war. How can this be? We need to build something. And personalities about whom you can it would be to add up sublime fables, no. So a timid idea was born to modernize the myths of the past. Take a look at recent history in a new way. Put it in your mouth words of our leaders familiar at the end of the second millennium. Suitable for this role only Lenin. At least for that elementary The reason is that Vladimir Ilyich has always been extremely popular in Russia. Much more popular than Jesus Christ himself. You say - alas? No, rather - oh! How Vladimir Ilyich quit smoking In a small town in Simbirsk there lived Vladimir Ilyich. When Vladimir Ilyichturned four years old, he is with his dad Ilya Nikolaevich stole a cigarette and, hiding in the closet, lit it. Vladimir's dad Ilyich was one of the teachers, so something was wrong I immediately became suspicious. He became especially suspicious when the fire spread to the outbuilding. A after all that was left of the outbuilding was the cook’s firebrands, dad Ilya Nikolaevich said: “Bah, that’s no way Vovochka He’s smoking a cigarette!” Dad Ilya Nikolaevich is here caught Vladimir Ilyich and used a piece of wood to escape. At the same time, Ilya Nikolaevich shouted: “You will smoke, you brute, through You'll be dead for fifty years!" For the rest of his life, Vladimir Ilyich did not use tobacco. touched. I drank drinking, but with smoking I'm done once and for all. And Vladimir Ilyich died exactly fifty years later. Apparently that cigarette had a big impact. How Vladimir Ilyich got his real name As soon as Vladimir Ilyich was born, he immediately took his father’s surname. He doesn't I couldn't take my mother's last name because she name was Blank. If Vladimir Ilyich took his mother’s last name, everyone would think that he's not doing well with his fifth point. And so he signed up for his father as Ulyanov, and everyone thought that with the fifth Everything is fine with him. And Vladimir studied Ilyich is very good. For some fives, fours, threes and twos. Whole school I envied him, he studied so well. And was in The school director is named Kerensky. The one with the son got a job as Prime Minister of the Provisional Government.One day, in the sixth grade, director Kerensky asked Vladimir Ilyich: "What was the name of Alexander's favorite horse Macedonian? Vladimir Ilyich thought and said: “His name was horse Przhevalsky!" Director Kerensky was surprised. And said: “Well, you’re smart, Vovochka. You look just like Lenin!” Since then, Vladimir Ilyich took a new surname. Became sign not Ulyanov-Blank, but Ulyanov-Lenin. And no one teased him anymore. And if Vladimir Ilyich didn’t have a last name changed, then what would we have today? "Marxism-Blanquism"? "Young Blanquist"? "Blankovsky subbotnik"? Even imagining it is unpleasant. Where did you get it from? Lenin did not take Vladimir Ilyich's bald spot I immediately became bald. As a child he was all hairy. But when I grew up, with contacted revolutionary hippies. Here we go I once dyed my hair red. And every single one of them got out. And he became He's been bald as a melon ever since. Only by There was a little left at the edges where the hand couldn’t reach. That's another thing. Alexander Ilyich, Lenin's older brother, through bad company the gallows thundered. He allegedly wanted to attack the Tsar. So he didn’t encroach! Why did they kill Sashka, dogs?! What's on Lenin actually said when he learned about his brother’s execution. History textbooks say that Vladimir Ilyich, having learned about his brother’s execution, said, "We'll go the other way." In fact, everything was completely different. By to the memories of the Ulyanovs' hanger-on, in thisthe sad moment Vladimir Ilyich wrapped up in such a way that it can be reproduced perfectly impossible. Moreover, having heard these terrible words, the hanger-on earned a cow's rabies, and became a fool for the rest of my life. She forgot how to speak, read and write. Only through the efforts of experienced scientists, After many years, the hanger-on got his brains straightened out for one minute. And she said this phrase out loud. And she fell into madness again. The expression sounded something like this. "It's Day! Go to hell, all of you!" If only over this key statement if specialists had worked, then the history of the revolution would have begun with a very steep word. Why did Vladimir Ilyich have two wives? One day Vladimir Ilyich decided to get married. Everyone had their own wives by then. were. Some members of the Central Committee even several pieces. And Vladimir Ilyich has none. And the comrades gathered parties. And they decided to marry Vladimir Ilyich on a politically seasoned candidacy. It's easy to say "get married." Where are you like that? will you find a candidate? Moreover, during Two applicants came forward for the debate. One was called Inessa Fedorovna Armand, and the other is Nadezhda Konstantinovna Krupskaya. And The comrades decided to arrange a practical exam for the applicants. For this they Vladimir Ilyich in Shushenskoye seconded. And with him Inessa Fedorovna and, of course, Nadezhda Konstantinovna. I suffered with them for three yearsVladimir Ilyich. And when he returned, his party comrades asked him: “Well, how, Vladimir Ilyich, have you chosen your wife?" "Oh, no I know, my friends. Both are such bitches..." answered Vladimir Ilyich. Then a special congress was convened, at which the socialists They were supposed to appoint an official wife for Vladimir Ilyich. Opinions were divided. The majority of party members voted for Krupskaya, minority - for Armand. Since then it has happened - Bolsheviks, Mensheviks... But Vladimir Ilyich did not care about the decision of the congress and was friends with both. With Nadezhda Konstantinovna, how with a faithful companion. And with Inessa Fedorovna, because the woman is beautiful. How Vladimir Ilyich danced Nobody knows how Lenin danced. It’s not customary to describe dancing, it’s inconvenient. And Vladimir Ilyich, meanwhile, in this understood the matter well. Once Upon a Time in London he and Nadezhda Konstantinovna went to the site. Lenin was still young, years old about forty. Well, he jumped. How not jump? He and Nadezhda Konstantinovna played a polka and waltzed. A Vladimir Ilyich is increasingly dismantled. And Then they started playing tango. Lenin will throw up Nadezhda Konstantinovna. A whole hour of it skirts were taken off the chandelier. What about Nadezhda? Konstantinovna was unhooked from the chandelier, Vladimir Ilyich, to hush up the awkwardness, in started to squat. That's what they say, and "Break dancing" was born. And those English proletarians who are on the site they made fun of Lenin after the revolution inThe Soviet Union was invited. Yes, everyone here was clicked. But Nadezhda has nothing to do Konstantinovna look under her skirts. How Lenin and Trotsky were friends. Lenin had Trotsky. And Vladimir Ilyich loved this Trotsky very much. I loved it so much, I loved it so much. As if Nadezhda Konstantinovna. That is, purely according to party. But one day Lev Davydovich Trotsky greatly disappointed Lenin. Before that disappointed that Vladimir Ilyich as will quarrel. He literally said the following: “B... you, Leva!” But in history such words are not accepted. Therefore, in textbooks They wrote down "prostitute". It’s also, of course, ugly. Therefore we added "political". So that no one thinks too much. And in No one remembers what the conflict actually was. But they both ended badly. Both both Lenin and Trotsky died. In vain, it turns out quarreled. - --- Best regards, Dmitry. -+- ifmail v.2.15dev5 + Origin: The author expresses gratitude to Alphabet for kindly predosing (2:5020/400) ===========ReadMeAgain====================================================================== Get Msg, All! [I.ZX] --------------------------------> Warm greetings, Slava! 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