C O M I C S
(C) Sergius Puzzler
Long time you, our readers, and
We, too, not relaxed. Now
we all gave a
opportunity. Do not miss out, this is your
chance to stay alive in the .., excuse me, in
good spirits until the end of XX
century. Especially if you
able to laugh at Sine. Y
For example, I get even
write on it. Or do they? But let us
to the point. This syndrome is
Marasmus guide known for a long
far and many. Even the ancient Greeks and
Romans wrote about it as the most
terrible and not a curable affliction. A
about cavemen even mention
do not have to, because they write and
do not really know how. Scratched there
to himself on the rocks of the "harm
... "(Could not make out worse
Chinese characters). And in our not
simple, this problem was
even more problematic (well, right
still some oil oily, yes
forgive me, reader). Even the
bourgeoisie, there behind the hill, this
abound. If anyone under the
hand (foot) are statements
our native compilers
instructions, write to us, in section
COMICS. In the meantime, imagine
for your attention and understanding
also, hopefully, vysskazyvaniya
foreign producers
instructions, code
name ...
User - the law for the consumer.
----------------------------------
English Journal "NEW SCIENTIST" published a collection of
submitted by readers quotes from manuals for various products.
From the quotations it is evident that the authors consider
instruction buyer a complete idiot. Here are a few examples.
*
On manufacturing in the U.S. mirror
Rear view of a motorcycle napisa
but: "Remember: items that are visible in
mirror, in fact, are
behind you. "
*
Simple mechanical car
Immobilizer Type
"Rabble" at one end clips
Camping on the pedal, the other - on the handlebars,
locked. In large letters on
metal, reads: "Important:
exit, clear lock ".
*
On a box of sleeping pills:
"May cause drowsiness."
*
On the camera: "It only works
when a charged film. "
*
The manual to electric irons firm
"Rowenta": "Warning: Never
use for ironing clothes
directly on the body! "
*
A reader from Sweden bought the electric
saw. Among other caveats
in the manual there is: "Do not group
entirety to stop the cutting chain
hands. "
*
On bags of peanuts, which
stewardess handed out in the domestic
flights to China, written in
three languages: "Open and s'est
Nuts. "
*
Instructions for Japanese electronic
clock: "To replace the battery,
Remove the old and insert the new. "
*
By the electric company "Moulinex":
"Warning: This device, after inclusion
radiation heats up! "
*
Recipe on bag of dry grated
Garlic: To prepare honestly
chnye toast, take garlic
powder, a little oil, parsley,
white loaf. Then mix all
components, except the stick. "
*
The instructions to the air mattress:
"This product is not s'edob
nym.
*** *** *** ***
For dessert, a little anecdote, which
In my view, sufficiently cool to
laugh heartily.
- Your condoms are torn! - Ms.
luetsya young peasant pharmacist.
- And bending - get stuck standing
next to the old man.
Guys savvy "on three."
- Two or three will take?
- Take two hours left alone.
A man turns to the salesgirl:
- Five vodka, two candy.
Clinging to the wall of the shed, a goat
is chosen Doudou drunken farm
ence.
Goat:
- How will milk, because once again on
ate?
- Yeah, - meets a milkmaid.
- Well, - said the goat - hold on
for udder - I jump.
- Girl, you could fall in love
radical?
- For what, sorry? ..
Went to two provincial first
times on double-decker.
One climbed to the second floor.
Suddenly down all white, as
chalk, and cries:
- Jim, do not go upstairs! There's no
driver!
Night ... Taxi driver stops
old woman and asked her to ride
cemetery, said that there Pohorje
Nene her husband. Taxi driver becomes
scary, he said that he had SRO
esidual order, slams the door ma
bus and starts to move. Gathers velocity
velocity of 20 km / h, looks - an old lady
runs after him. Gaining 40 ... 60,
it is not far behind. It becomes more
worse. He dials 100 km / h, and
old everything runs and runs for ma
bus. Finally, the taxi driver did not survive
It turns out that slow, opening the door and
asks:
- Grandma, why do you chase me
Tes?
- Sonny, you're being pinched skirt.
- Dad, what is a "labor of Sisyphus?
- Oh, boy, do you know when
you start to shave!
- Hello! This is a store? You thread
there?
- Yes.
- Harsh?
- Do not ask. I am to them, even
I'm afraid to approach.
- How old is your villain?
- Fourteen.
- Yes, an abortion was too late ...
One woman ever bought
food for cats. The seller, well
who knew that it had no to
shki, asked whom she feeds.
- Husband, - calmly replied,
she said.
- What do you mean! He will die!
After a while the lady re
began to buy food for cats.
- Well, poisoned his wife?
- What does the food for cats! He
broke his neck when he tried to lick
itself ass.
Disappeared from the pedestal monuments
Pushkin and Mayakovsky. Things upside
huddled together - looking for great poets.
Janitor says:
- Yes, Che you are looking for them - there they are on
attics climb, catch the pigeon
shitting on their heads.
*
It is possible to all. Or just all.
