Humor
Prepared for publication in a newspaper
Eugene Sobolev.
Grigory Oster
"Bad advice"
On communism:
If you ever have rallied,
Lit up and lead,
Do not try to evade
From going to triumph.
Still at work raises
And the feat will inspire
You great and mighty,
And our reliable bulwark.
If you have the whole world of violence
Going to destroy
And while you dream of becoming
All without having anything
Bold move for us
On a paved road,
We want you the way this
We can even concede.
If you have decided to first
In the ranks to become their fellow citizens -
Never catch up
Ahead.
Five minutes later, cursing,
They will run back
And then, leading the crowd,
You rush ahead.
Fathers and children (and parents in general):
If you're in the corridor
Race on a bicycle,
And to meet you in the bathroom
Dad went for a walk
Do not turn off to the kitchen
In the kitchen - solid refrigerator.
Brake better dad.
Dad soft. He will forgive.
If you stayed at home
Without the parents alone,
I can offer you
Good game
Under the title "Brave cook"
Or "Brave cook."
The essence of the game in preparation
All sorts of delicious dishes.
I propose to start
Here's a simple recipe:
Need a daddy's shoes
Pour the mother's spirits
And then these shoes
Lubricate the shaving cream,
And, watering them with fish oil
With black ink in half
Throw in the soup that my mother
Prepared in the morning.
And cook with the lid closed
Exactly seventy minutes.
What will you learn,
When adults come.
Matches - the best toy
For bored children.
Dad's tie, my mother's passport -
That's a small fire.
If you throw a slipper
Or put a broom
You can roast a chair,
At the bedside table to cook soup.
If adults somewhere
Matches hidden from you,
Explain to them that matches
To fire you need.
Do not worry if
Cause my father to school
Or mother. Do not hesitate
Bring the whole family.
Let come to uncles, aunts
And second cousins,
If you have a dog,
Bring her too.
School of etiquette:
There is no pleasant experience,
What a nose scratch.
All terribly interesting,
What's hidden inside.
And who look disgusting
He let them and not looking.
We're in a nose to it not climb,
Suppose he does not stick.
If you came to the familiar
Say hello to anyone.
The words "please" "thank you"
Do not tell anyone.
Turn away and questions
Not to anyone's answer.
And then nobody will say
About you that you're a chatterbox!
If you have come to the party,
Your gift to ask them directly,
Yes, look to chocolates
Santa Claus has not healed.
And do not even think of carefree
Bring home the leftovers.
How naskochut mum and dad -
Half will be taken away.
If your best friend
Slipped and fell,
Show me another finger
And grabs his stomach
Let him see, lying in a pool -
You did not upset.
A true friend does not like
Disappoint his friends.
Instead of an epilogue:
If you are waiting for punishment
For bad behavior,
For example, because in the bathroom
You bathed your cat
Asking permission
Neither cats nor my mother,
I can offer you a way
How to escape from punishment.
Head on the floor knock
Hit in the chest himself with his hands
And howl and scream:
"Oh, why am I tormented by a cat?!
I am worthy of a terrible punishment!
My shame only death atone! "
In less than half a minute
As, weeping with you,
You will forgive and to comfort,
Will run for a sweet cake.
And then the quiet cat
You lead by the tail in the bath
After nayabednichat cat
Never fails ...
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