(C) Werewolves
-: Oh, Sevastopol! Nice city! Every summer, our theater rides
back to gastroli.I every time I carried away from there (along
with several liters of wine:)) a lot of memories and
impressions. But the last time was ... In general the saga of
how the Werewolves on the tour traveled to Yalta ...
- But I tell you, I have money! - Zabara took out a pack of
the hryvnia. We Glebychem looked at each other, the evening
promised to be memorable. Two "Golden Beams," created in the
head light chaos, but soul required of the holiday.
- Igor, can then at least eat what we choose - I suggested.
- Deonisy! - Glebych evil looked at me - That's the same fat
and bread is, you is not?
- Well? - I hesitated.
- Glebych! Dennis says it under wine needs chocolate!
- Well then there and the girls! - Baritone laugh Glebych.
- Oleg Glebych, all will be! - Zabara winked at me and I began
to wear shoes. - I'm with you! - Glebych groped under the sofa.
- Glebych, yes we Denis twice as fast as we reach!
- You want to hurt me? - Glebych wore shoes and stood up -
let's go together! Going down the stairs "Yenisei", uneven
steps, we went to a night of Sevastopol. City at 23:00 was
already empty. All the campers were or at discotheques or in
hotels. Local residents were either at home or in the narrow
streets smoking Schmal. Finding the "Grafskaya harbor "five
night stalls, we have heated debates that take: Glebych
commanding voice wanted more "Golden Beams." Zabara wanted
something exotic, but I was anyway, anyhow only wine was not
sweet. - Good day, comrades! - We looked around. Three patrol
in the Marine uniform with red bands on their arms, with
interest at We watched - Deboshir?
Word, if not strange, I took the - No, we did it from Minsk
and a little arguing, some wine here you better.
- But time later, and you can argue and are quieter -
suspiciously sniffing, said the senior.
- "If they have now zagrebut ... Mama Mia! Scandal will be!" -
flashed in my head. And indeed it was something to fear.
Although a half liter of wine for three and a little, but we
were good. But then something unexpected happened, one of the
patrol began to look closely to Glebychu. - Tell me, you do
not accidentally shot in the movie? - I? - Glebych assumed a
dignified air, proud of spark gushed from his eyes and
commander's voice began to list the names of movies, not
forgetting to mention their title of National Artist. Patrol
as a substitute. They were vying with each other to remember
the role of which was filmed Glebych and ask for autographs.
We, meanwhile, accustomed to such recognition in the streets,
began to choose wine. - Take the "Crimean port, you will not
regret, - has advised one of the patrol.
- And he sweet? - I asked.
- Well not really, but delicious.
- Grab! - Zabara was regarded as a necessary displacement for
three. Not forgetting to take two bars of chocolate, we were
stuffing five 07-Faust with blood-red contents.
From the first sip, I realized that I drink something really
drop dead, but extremely sweet.
- Ah! A powerful thing! - Drank in small sips, admired
Zabara.
- This money could be taken as the "Golden Bullock" ...
- Glebych, so tired of it already, it is at least pleasant to
drink! - I said and began to seize up wine ... lard. - Well,
chocolate? - Glebych grinned. - We'll make it - after drinking
a glass of wine in one gulp and Zaev his next slice of bacon -
I said. - It may have already cleaned and onions? - Became a
pin up Zabara. - Can and onions! - I was vseravno, sweet wines
I dokanali on the second day of stay in Sevastopol. - Deonisy,
you tomorrow on the same tour - recalled Glebych. - Oh damn!
Exactly! - I poured a glass of the fourth and reached on the
second shelf. Head rustled, not sleepy, but tomorrow I had to
be normal. During this tour, I like the last idiot pay 25 UAH,
that equals fifteen bucks. Of course, that I was not able to
sleep. Until thunder and boiling bottles, I have repeatedly
dragged down to help. " When finished, there were expected in
the beginning, the girls' esche'm "...
At half past five in the morning with dullness in the eyes and
head, I finally was on his shelf. I had to sleep only four
hours. In 8:30 I woke up, our wardrobe mistress and her
daughter derektrisy tender: - Denis, the rise!
Deniska, uttering inarticulate sounds, and began to pull
over the jeans, shirt and sunglasses. Looking at his face in
the mirror, I realized that now I only need sleep. Sweet idea
to send a trip away and lay down to sleep, it was forgotten as
soon as I realized that for her, I gave half of their money.
Once again the "Grafskaya Havens," I just do not poplohelo, as
soon as I caught sight of the ill-fated stalls. But it was with
her went "Ikarus" at Yalta.
- "Well, slavnenko, blockages in the chair and going to sleep"
- I decided, but cool oblamalsya. We got seats in the minibus
to eight people. Do not know if it is good or bad, but I got an
individual passenger's seat ...
- And here is a "Pharos" - turned to me and pointed his finger
drove in Gorbachev's dacha, by which we passed. - What? What
is it? - Began to ask me Luda wardrobe mistress. - And here is
a "Pharos" - to get more air, I shouted and poked finger in the
glass. Behind the people roared with approval and heard
Phrases: "Gorbachev's dacha," "There's probably all made of
gold!" etc. No sooner had I zakimarit again, as I drove was
the bother and says that at this turn of his minibus just could
not bear the last time into the abyss.
- What? Where? - Again became pester me Luda.
Rolling his eyes that I had urine was shouting: - Citizens of
the passengers, We have just crossed a very dangerous turn last
time, our car almost flew down and only thanks to masterful
skill driver, minibus with passengers remained safe!
Passengers died away, and drove indefinitely chuckled. -
"Well, now I have them all stuffed up," - glad I closed my
eyes. - Comrade guide - tapped me from behind - and why we
then pass on such a dangerous road?
- "Got involved, I am now the guide!" - I was wrong.
- Yes, then the landslide was - replied, and drove like an
idiot, I yelled his words on the whole salon. Passengers
relieved and steel remembered as: "And I was once with apple
zvezdanulsya ...", or" That live, live, and suddenly, boom! And
all ...". In general to "Glade of fairy tales" I had to work a
megaphone ...
- At your disposal is 1 hour, then all go to "Nikita Gardens"
Please do not delay - said the aunt, who apparently
was then the most important.
- Denis, you'll have to photograph - cheered me Maroussia, a
daughter of our derektrisy. - Aha ... - The only thought I had
found here and toilet try poblevat. With a dull complexion and
crazy revolution in the stomach, I went to the "Glade of fairy
tales." Bunch of kids led me to state close to fainting. Damned
spinogryzy yelled so that my head was splitting at the seams.
Leaning on a copper Bagheera I felt that I felt better and I
decided posmotretet damn clearing. - ... Teremok! Remember
kids fairy tale? - Sweet voice asked tour guide, dressed in a
fairy-tale fairy. But because not Deveci size, it was more like
an old gypsy woman, a beggar. - Yes! - Shouted roundnose
children. - Well, then our handyman (First, of course, can not
remember) especially for you, 19? year, one ax hewed this
Teremok. In the time of creation attics, he used the same
varnish as ... That used the popular craftsman yet, I not
listening, because sladkoslaboumny voice guide, fairy brought
me into the deepest depression, and I again became ill.
Deciding to roll away from the tour, I was himself to watch all
the sights. Near a certain freak which is a fabulous guide
named Aquarius, I saw a lake goldfish. Children dibilno opened
his mouth, looked at what Uncle fixer, as very similar to me,
pushing the a lever and a drunken voice Sippel:
- That, children, our Neptune welcomes you - and then out of
Neptune in the lake water outflow.
- Mom, he otpisyalsya? - Quietly asked a toddler. Mom, densely
blushing, cracked a child on the behind.
- Definitely he unsubscribed - blurted out I could not resist.
Parents one and all, looked at me.
- Looks like - I added. Tour demonstratively swung,
left me alone with Neptune. Looking around, I scooped up some
cold water and moistened his shirt on his chest and washed his
face. Little better, but the stomach was sobbing.
Searching for his, I found them near the hut on chicken legs.
All that Ms. Gypsy sweetly explained that the hut until
does not work, since it broke yesterday Ivan Tsarevich. That
forest Sprites repair it. And indeed, under the hut lay a
goblin, who like two drops of water was like a lineman near
Neptune. With an insane person he is hitting on one leg. It
seemed to me that this is he did yesterday and that's why hut
ceased to spin. - But Baba Yaga, the children can come to you.
Do you? - Da-aaa - not neatly provereschali children.
- Then we have to call it ...
Charter of the stand, I sat next to the hut on the railing.
Children, and in the end fallen into childhood parents named
Baba Yaga. Crone hard refused to leave. I have already started
to think that Ivan Tsarevich, in addition to the cabin, and to
mock at her. - Oho-ho! - Croaked right above the ear - do not
give me the old to sleep - I turned around. Directly over, I
stood on the guy with zakatanymi knee tights and sneakers. On
top he wore tattered sundress polka dot and the head adorned
absolutely crazy wig. I almost fell in the sludge, the
spectacle was tremendous. Homeless look and then stylish.
- Well, sho? - From Odessa accent asked, smiling broadly, an
old woman - you're from? From what kingdom? Children stupidly
silent. - From Minsk will, - I replied.
- About out of Minsk! - Dude razyavil mouth in a crazy smile -
yes, letyvala I'm in your region ... - Yaga pains for a long
time about how in our kingdom, Minsk rotten doing her favorite
cheesecake with chelovechenkoy and what's more, it will not fly
there - Do you want the news to you tell? Snickers went up! A
Mars cheaper! - Quipped dude.
Some child cried.
- Okay, I will go. And then I have there Ilya Murom foothills.
Absolutely ofanorev from such mediocre games, I decided to wait
the next group. History repeated one to one. Again stupid
children are not told where they are and I again said that from
Minsk. Dude was again grovel about donuts, sneakers and Ilya of
Murom, which he is not strange, is baked in a microwave oven.
Beheld that our sent to the exit, I trudged behind. - Sorry,
but there is a toilet? - I asked, unable to restrain a young
Snow White. - How to get out, just right - a copper voice
saleswoman, she sent me Snow White. Toilet did not meet my
expectations. Barf not like the wine sunk already to be and I
had a real brutal hangover, interspersed with Smaghi ...
- Wait for me here, I'm going to finish - Auntie-organizer
went to argue with stupid ticket collector, who refused to We
let in the Nikita Botanical Garden. " Advantage of a pause,
all rushed to buy ice cream. Digging in his pocket I found
three of the hryvnia. Stalls were hefty packages of pepper
potato chips. Deciding that I now will save only food, I took
half a meter bag of chips and a liter of mineral water. - Come
on in, all right! We are a friendly crowd stormed the gate.
While we waited for the conductor, kids gobbled ice cream and
dropped their wrappers in the grass. I began to absorb the
chips and drink their water ...
- And here is a bamboo grove, the growth rate of bamboo ...
Well? - a young boy who barely graduated from school,
recruiting looked at our stupid faces.
- 90 inches a day - I'm loud blestnul knowledge. Boy
happily nodded, and the audience watched with respect to my
side.
- Exactly! Go ahead - we are again, like a flock of sheep
rushed the narrow dorozhke.Tihy speech was covered by my
audience with a loud crunch, chew chips and gurgle of mineral
water. - One moment comrades! - We closed the road
photographer - just 15 UAH, you can buy here is this picture -
It turns out that the guerrilla sfotil us while we stood at the
entrance. In the corner of this masterpiece sitting Denis and
zadranoy head-up, drinking mineral water. Looking at myself, I
was horrified: fixer, forcing Neptune pee! One to one.
Naturally photographer nichrome not Oblomov and everything came
to a clearing with roses. As previously failed a biologist, I
have a couple of times blestal his knowledge plant fauna than
won sympathy boy conductor. He was constantly looking in my
direction ischya support. Ate all the chips and drinking all
the water, I felt that life was not so bad. Smaga disappeared
hangover lightly dismissed. And in the end just went to the
shower. The only person who mad he was glad I was. Completely
wet, I got into the car and went to the Swallow's Nest. "
But by the time I have become easy and the subsequent events
do not evoked in me, so many emotions as before. Therefore, I
stop a protracted story, and I go to drink beer;).
The conclusion from all this is simple: "Do not drink if
tomorrow morning you have to go on a tour :)"...
