"How to breed hedgehogs, I still brought it somewhere in 1989,
is printed on typewritten form bellow we're working on it for
very long, then she went hard on my hands friends, then on the
arms of their friends, while at an unknown circuit, it is not
entirely been read (Although I still have a copy), slightly
Later, a book in the normal edition, even the mud three-or
four-volume. Just recently, our friends from Taganrog (Chip Co)
drove a pair of floppy disks with text files. And in his spare
time, browsing, I stumbled upon this incomparable thing (which
you can read below). Thanks to unknown author, it came out
pretty funny.
Music by Phantom Lord
*
How to break axis.
Chapter 1.
Through the windows came the rain and the process of
installation. Bill Gates has turned from the window of
Microsoft Excel and asked Norton - Commander: - Petya devices?
- 486DX2/66/1/40/kosye/EGAmono!
- What EGAmono?
- And that the "instruments"?
Ten minutes later the Excel window is finally
Gates were closed and asked:
- How are things with fellow ISAeva?
- It is difficult.
- This is Good. Ai keV for him new
TASK invariant systems. But the windows came the rain and
installation process.
*
Low smoky ceiling restore_run'a Three megabytes was almost
black from soot. Fed there is not very good - as
Typically, it was 4 Mb azu salad and Olivetti. Fed there is
even worse - usually beer "Ostankino", which everyone called
"Trupovskim. But this is not to scare away the regulars. Scared
away their friend. More recently, in restore_run began to look
Advertising Manager OS / 2 Stirlitz. That Now he sat at the
table farthest from the my laptop with the resources at seven
and programs at eight, a T-shirt that says "Do not Microsoft,
and small programs in Russian!". Sometimes he felt boring and
he pulled from his pocket a floppy disk with the words "manager
ISAevu of BG for liberation of the market from CP / M "with the
dexterity and true hackers launched a network of a couple -
three new viruses.
- What heinous program of this
Microsoft - all of a sudden said,
programmistik young - I have them all
recorded by one and wash in the queue!
The room was silent. All
looked at Shtirlitsa. Stirlitz took
floppy disk, although the light still
not extinguished, and, overturning the three monitors,
moon walk came to a high-handed
programmistiku.
- KOBOLtus nedoinstallirovanny! - He hissed and pulled
on a laptop computer programmer. - Sorry, I
do not quite understand - faltered fluttered programmistik.
Stirlitz out of yourself and not giving time to recover, scored
Format c: and hit Enter. - I am manager of Microsoft ISAev and
not allow every user to offend maykrosoftovskih programmers!
The audience rushed to separate
disputants. Merry Shtirlitsa dragged from moaning
programmistika and to calm, proposed a toast to Microsoft for
Bill Gates. Stirlitz drank and programmer was not interested in
him. - Well as you can - if Stirlitz say such things about
Microsoft, so even in such terms, - said one of presence.
- Stirlitz - good soul - another sigh - I remember three days
ago, then washed a pirated copy of Solaris, so all used
low-level formatting, and Stirlitz - Quick Format. A Stirlitz
already asleep. Dreamed sappers tapeworms and printers. Now he
sleeps, but exactly half an hour later woke up to continue
their difficult but a necessary work for Microsoft.
Chapter 2.
Stirlitz childhood fond of computers. His favorite stories
were "Trehdyuymovochka" and "OLE Lukkoye. To five years he is
using the carrot and the stick has mastered the art of
programming. In ten years commissioned by the Russian Academy
of Sciences, he wrote the Forth, which is known as Fortran. In
twelve years he had two drives Toshiba for laser printers and
three - to the police. In fifteen years of Maxim for the first
time tried the beer "Porter Centronics" and in the morning
invented language Alcola. He loved music - especially the group
of DOORS and the album "The Wall ", so it was difficult to
switch to Platform Windows. Now in his hit - parade leading
group "Acer of Baser", S. VEGA, Suzi Quattro Pro and the old
song, "I met the VAX and the past ...".
In the first year at college Stirlitz
proved the law of sines ver. 5.0. Theme
his thesis was to write a full multi-tasking and multi-
operating system's processor 8088,
which he called a "wicket." It was noticed and, at the end of
the Institute, was invited the group of developers Windows.
Some time later he was transferred to a group of industrial
espionage.
Stirlitz was the best resident. His
could interrupt, but can not be unloaded.
In its track list is such
case as a "professional friend" - the Lotus Ami Pro, "Cool
outfit - a Lotus SmartSuit, "Hand lewd" - about Aldus
FreeHand, "local bus" - the Local Bus
and much more.
Now he is out the most important task - trying to get a
list of undocumented features OS / 2. "I'll call her report on
"sex" - with his usual penchant for bad puns Stirlitz thought,
absently watching for one of terminals in his office a couple
ol broke password.
- Buttons tight at the buttons - as always
in the subject blurted Stirlitz.
ISAev picked with a screwdriver in DeskJet'e,
thinking, "Do not fig to itself the jet streams are not
not so long, when he was on the modem ZyXEL
came from encryption Diskdoktora Pleischner.
- ZyXEL - moksel! - Swore Stirlitz
read that Diskdoktoru never managed to get the necessary
documents. Remained the last hope. Stirlitz stood up and went
out, whistling through his teeth tune "Come on, Jora, and hold
my Macintosh".
Chapter 3.
Chief of Security
EF One, named HELP, a small dirty dog. He collected viruses
written Stirlitz, and sent them as freeware on the BBS for the
Air Force, VMS, Navy and DOSAAF. Once, as a result of this was
semi-destroyed work of collective developers. Head of Software
von T. de Zayner instructed to investigate the matter itself EF
Odin. Two months, all creeping things to HELP, and Stirlitz to
withdraw from suspicion, even done a version
it made a Chinese spy NEC DEC. In
eventually suffered SK Rolling, Head of an intimate
relationship with the public, which inadvertently won HELP
Tetris.
Now EF One send to BBS message Stirlitz use in programs
operator GOTO ". Before he could press Enter,
as the door opened and entered the room itself
ISAev.
- One - said Stirlitz - Give PageMaker.
- And why you? - Asked HELP.
- Changes to do - without batting an eye
countered Stirlitz.
"This is his words do not climb"
- Thought HELP - "there is felt a hand
Microserfs.
While EF One rummaging through boxes of pirated distros
Stirlitz its moon walk quietly walked to the safe
and using a handheld cracker hacked
128 - bit security code. It was easy, because cracker
Shtirlitsa scrap and √ 2-bit, and №-bit, and even e-bit
code. Taking the folder with the documents
Stirlitz slammed the door and said:
- By the way, One, did you try sometime
plug the cord into the socket with a jam?
ISAev knew that he always remembered
the last sentence, so HELP, remembering
Shtirlitsa's visit will think that he
came to show off their next wacky
pun.
Two days later Stirlitz received a message: "Unix -
apex'u. Date error. Kanto Reed Drive tse. "
- Excel-moksel! - Said Stirlitz.
He alone knew that he had raised
salary. ISAev went and bought for a fee Ethernet box favorite,
"Porter Centronics", slowly drinking, playing along to your
favorite Minesweeper.
After a while he lay in
rick at the junction of two drains, looking
a stack of his memory, tapping a stack of
Knock on top of his boot, waving banners and
streaming with happy tears.
But the windows came the rain and the process
installation.
__________________________________________
