° °
OU, user, wait!
° °
(C) MDF HACKER
(A guide to extract the maximum pleasure
of their duties)
Day Chetverty
Finally I nashel game that really can do me
ponrvitsya-FlipFlop. But again, the phone rings, and I weaken
focus on the very same split second, which could
save me from final destruction. "NashBOFH listens." Oil in
moem voice - a sure sign of an impending storm.
"You could not help me ..." Female voice. "I listen to you." By
ee phone number do I know everything you want znat.I would be
happy to show remnants of gentlemanly feeling, but I can not do
anything - justice above all else. "I can not enter into
set.Dolzhno be something with my password. "Checking-oh God,
where we idem! This she herself was trying to change your
password. What does this exist yet for dzheymsbondovskie
habits? "Oh no, this is a failure in seti.Boyus you lost access
to their section. I will try to restore it. "
Returns the old password, del *. txt, increase the size of the
section ee Twenty times per schet everyone else, do not forget
to notify them this, and tell ee phone number, and tenderly say
into the phone: Well Behold, Vse in poryadke.Boyus not Vse was
restored, but I I hope you had a copy on diskette? "" Yes. ""
Bring them here, I check them at the same time. "And when once
they learn to life in this harsh world? .. At the top of my
list of excuses CATALOGUES today, "Cosmic Rays" ...
Zvonok.Sudya phone at the number nachalnik.Davnenko I did
nothing not pleased. I'm sending him a greeting from every
employee with detailed explanation of what they think about
nem. The list is not missing only three-me, him and the chef in
the dining room (it wonderful brews tea for me since I
boosted his salary tripled). And, of course, for the sake of
completeness fit in "strogacha in personal matters the most to
nevezhlivyh.Nevezhlivyh I, of course. Now we can pick up the
phone. "Where have you been??"
And it is true, governor. Only he is working here so long
(Former sleg with myocardial), which sometimes forgets who
talking. Sending a signal on his computer one of my
patrol program, which goes out of his favorite "Lexicon"
without a record and starts the colorful porn.
"As usual, restore order in the network. Some of the supply
department got hold of a program that cleans a beautiful
pornokartinku Winchester. The entire network at risk. "" Ah-s-s
... "
Silence. Pre-olgaya silence. Smart man, my boss. Him enough
chetyreh - five repetitions to understand the obvious. But for
fidelity Vse same .... Send Big Boss'u same porn, but corner of
the screen planting name and patronymic of my head ... It is
important not overdo it, and then put some stupid-no fun at
work will not.
My colleague burzhuinsky BOFH in such cases, it seems, was
looking for interesting little things in the email. Valuable
idea. What we've got piled up on Head? Oh! No, you, the reader,
this is not supposed to know! Not tronte my head! He told me
exist yet come in handy ...
Fifth Day
Today, Friday 13, my phone rings in the morning, and I have
already can not ignore the noise. Just pull the phone out
outlet is not my style, I use this method only in those
Where there are more important things .. But today NashBOFH
suffers from a lack of interesting activities, and a
telephone-good Method to vanish.
"Hello, this is accounting?"
Yes you, my friend, is not only rude, but commercialism. I am
inclined to believe that your financial situation in the very
near future change. How many times depends on a properly
dialed digits!
"Yes, Accounting is listening."
"Why should I retain the salary?"
"And who are you?"
"<Name> <name> <Middle >!!!"
I somehow already know, but the accounting (a small overture on
the keys) that does not already know. "But you do not work!"
What kind of salary idet speech? " "How is it - does not work?"
He seems Vse exist yet believe that this is a misunderstanding.
"Oh, I nashel you!"
"Well, I knew it!"
Interestingly, I heard the word "idiot" or not? However, this
it does not matter. Add to its problems I had almost nothing.
"You dismissed yesterday for malpractice, and you
filed a lawsuit in the amount of .. "a couple of seconds pause
for effect (Probably me zhivet great akter). Three million
rubles. " That the most interesting thing that's true.
Oh yes, almost forgot! Exist yet little medieval atmosphere.
"And I do not advise us skryvatsyau long arms, "I say sepulchral
voice. Bender was right - phrases such strong effect on
mercantile. This type of force is not even hang up.
Whenever I hang up, as immediately razdaetsya new trill. Well,
user, wait a minute! You can not annoy me so brazenly on
Friday, 13 and at the same time hoping to get away! "Hello!
NashBOFH on the wire." I do not want to spend time on a casual
conversation ..... "I problem with the printer. He was quite
new, but very pale prints. "" Oh, it's very simple. It is only
necessary to replace the ribbon. "But I do not I know how to do
it. "And then I see that you do not know stupid user! (.. Shyly
hides body fat ... But I otvleksya.) "Do not worry, it's very
simple. You berete new tape ..." " But I do not have a new
tape. "
First, you should not interrupt me. Then you could exist yet
would hope legkuyu dirt in the room and damaged clothing. A
Second, even in this case, your hopes are unlikely to
materialize be. "Do not worry, this situation is the easy way
out. You can restore your old tape. Among other things, you
save a lot of money! "as they say good guys in the book" The
Moon is a Harsh Mistress "by Robert Heinlein," TANSTAAFL (There
Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch) ". For the illiterate and
knew nothing about it in English I will explain: the meaning of
the phrase about coincides with the meaning of the phrase
"Anything free is worth what you pay for it. "" So, take
chernuyu ink (ink, ink, or exist yet anything).
(To be continued)
