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OU, user, wait!
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(C) MDF HACKER
(A guide to extract the maximum pleasure
of their duties)
Second Day
You probably think that for Friday, 13 next Saturday's 14?
For everyone, but not for me. After all, I NashBOFH! For Friday
13 may only be Friday 13, hack to death is on your nose!
But no. Sometimes, for variety, begins April 1.
And it just today! No problem, a couple of jokes I
always in stock. The main thing - do not miss out on the
initiative. Send to Network message: "General Protection fault,
system halted", waited 5 seconds, and gently pour a cup of tea
in the body server. Udovletvorennoe sizzle confirms an old
truth: "We must, must wash ..."
A couple of days rest assured, we must build on this success.
Calling superiors and inform: "So when the server is a fix
would be? We all without him, as without hands. "Stone in the
handset makes I violated one of my rules - not to scare vain,
and I adding: "it seems, before he departed from Winchester shel
smoke ... "and hangs up. sleepless night superiors and
justification any work undone me ready. And now zaymemsya
own jokes. I was so bursting with anticipation.
Extend my hand to the handset, but I'm ahead of someone with
the other side. Phone call sounds like music.
"Good morning!" informs me in a tube.
"If!" trying to spoil my mood.
"What's wrong?" enlighten me.
"I can not log into the network, explain to me.
"You're not the first time today. A very high solar activity
this spring, leads to accumulation of static charge
suggestive interference razemah. "
As fond of saying my overseas colleague BOFH, "dumb mode
on ". Now, with this miserable person can do everything you
whatever. "What can I do?" trembling with fear voice
asks the tube. "That's easy. The charge can be removed by
grounding The cable to your computer. Unplug all cables from the
computer, and connect them to the radiator. She - a good
earthing. "" But they do not have ogolennyh all ... "" Do not
interrupt. Must be connected, of course, with a piece of
ogolennogo wire. I am willing to lend you his. Come to me
immediately. "
Taking out of the closet slightly blackened from the previous
borrowing wire, I give him a miserable person (and in fact,
really, pathetic!) with a reminder: "The main thing - do not
turn the other ends cables. "" And the power? "with pain in his
voice inquiring personality. "And the power!" tverdo I say.
"And what else can be grounded for? Yes do not worry, the
entire charge uydet the ground on the battery. "She
(Personality), staggered away. Why would it so nervous approach
to a simple operation?
"Ah, but what's your name?" I shouted after him.
"<Name> ," is heard in reply.
I checked with an entry in his diary for the past April 1, and
some surprise, discover that this pitiful individual already
participated in this fun a year ago. However,
I mused svoe promise I will keep - the time of discharge from
Hospital server repair, and enter the network is not difficult.
When the first blinking light, I type 03, and, watching
removed "soon", is proud to think of his honesty and
healthy sense of humor. Do not forget to pick up the wire when
write it down!
After short-circuiting in vsem building remained in operation
state alone my computer via vklyuchenny
homemade UPS, made from the battery of BelAZ. Now
You can relax a little, play in anything
intelligent, paratrooper, for example, or tetris. Until evening
I have no bother. Not forget to send
email-letter-bomb BOFH to the Wild West, let her cry on
the rubble of his pentium'a.
Day Three
Friday 13 ... I hope I have you already got this reminder
because it is moe main occupation - to get, if I was not
NashBOFH! Y I have a bad mood today, for an hour no one calls,
so that pridetsya himself to work on his show. I'm sorry I
a bit overdone yesterday, with the server - it is still not
repaired, and must niggle.
I called the chief accountant and inform: "Where three million
allocated for the purchase of pens ?!!". probably should not be
to explain that I was talking voice of, and otherwise, why
I began to spend time on the installation of "bug" in his
office and writing a program synthesizer? And of course the
stupid determinant rooms in its western unit shows phone chief.
"Spent ..." udivlenny heard a response. "And by the act
N18237AP3874 (even just read it on the screen rather
hard) on the following day, the pen has been written off. "I do
not add that the same day on his schet in a commercial bank
did those three million, it is so clear. "But ..." "But?"
I am amplifying the pressure. "I recommend to write on their
own, and return the money. Over the past two years ... Million
25. "
I did not clarify that it is the sum of his contribution to the
bank. Me, Actually, do not care about his money and the money
of the firm. I have their interest. I've been putting off this
job to a bad mood.
Well, exactly, this idiot is so frightened that ran to the bank
immediately. Connecting to the bank, put on his schet exist yet
500 million, charge them interest for two years, translating
them into svoe name, and then shyly and awkwardly trying to
destroy the next 500 million, carefully leaving the most
prominent place several zeros. For this rascal old school will
be a big surprise when trying to hide 25 honestly, sweat and ink
stolen millions of its draw for a bank robbery in the amount of
20 times greater.
There is not even a percentage, though never more than pentium
not happens, and Cadillac has time to change, here it in
principle. You should have seen his face after each regular
"operations"! Remembering youth, I find in Ohio (for the
illiterate: a state in USA) hacker with experience, who can not
wait to play in the good old Retaliator, show him what a
genius, and what he was on the talent different, and finally
cool down a bit. Now we can a little fun.
I opened the door, and pick from the crowd of a couple of
smarter users. Animal instincts demand satisfaction, and
without decent opponent to get real pleasure is simply
impossible.
"Communicates," I said grimly, playing with the switch
electromagnet. "I'm writing a printer driver, and I
question ... "begins one." Printer Model? "I specify a
businesslike way I am. "HP LJ IV," he says. "Oh, that ... I
have a classroom library of. "I did not clarify that a library
that I received from Hell BBS, and the fact that it is very
nice surprises and gifts. A toner so badly laundered ...
"And I," starts the second, "Turbo Vision ..." "But this is
obviously, "I declare," I have and for this cool
library of. "Yes, yes, do not be surprised, I make gifts.
Apparently, You do not exist yet received gifts from
NashegoBOFH, otherwise he would not surprised. Library for
Turbo Vision has the Artificial Intelligence, and when working
in the most opportune moment replaces Yes to No, etc. We have
already argued with ee by the author, as this gullible idiot
will last at work after the date of the program. I won -
exactly two weeks.
The phone rings. Well, finally! Come on, darling! "I did not
read a diskette. "A good case for the application of a loved
guns BOFH - filing excuses. On the first page - the most
refined. "Entropy". "But yesterday it exist yet read ..." "Yes,
but how do you know? "No, it's simply impossible. This is not
treated. The doctor said the morgue - it means the morgue.
"You're not the first, and I'm afraid not the last victim of
the global increase of entropy. There only one way to protect
your disk from damage - pack them as compact as possible. Put
them in four, and if able, then eight times, and wrap in a
sheet of heavy paper. Well, if you can get oiled it will
facilitate their rotation in the drive. "
"But ..."
"I know that you are frightened by the fact that floppies
deteriorate in folding. But this is a joke for beginners. Do
not you know that the floppy is translated as flexible? And
then, this is the only way to protect your data. Entropy is now
destroying of them. "I wonder if he listened to me, if I asked
him burn the floppy disk? "Oh, and remarkably strengthens the
magnetic layer of high temperature. You can use a lighter or
matches. And do not forget to do the same operation with
Winchester - because it is unfortunately not sognesh. "
Sound lights the match. I check his phone number - in
a neighboring building. Firefighters can not call - very early
or too late to go out. I quietly put down the receiver. Rest in
peace your ...
(To be continued)
