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Jokes
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(C) DELEALAN
The man was very surprised when marching to meet him, the
woman greeted him. Having caught up with her, he asked: - Why
have you said hello to me? Because I do not know. - O. ..! Then
sorry, I thought you were one of the fathers of my children.
The man dropped his jaw. He just did not know that This woman
teacher.
Husband learned that his wife is unfaithful. He hired a
contract killer and said:
- I wish my wife was shot in the head, and her lover to shoot a
member. I give it a thousand. Agreed on the date and time. The
husband went to another city and there waited to call the hired
killer. Finally, in the time he grabbed the phone: - All right.
Much easier than I thought, with you five hundred, and We in
the calculation: only need one shot.
- Listen, your wife, closes his eyes, when you end?
- Always - she can not see when I'm good.
Three young women return from leave. The conversation in the
compartment. One says:
- I was literally the first day met a metallurgist. Well, he
gave the same heat - all twenty-four days me continuous casting
of steel. - I met with Secretary of District Party Committee.
Well, on the first night we went to him, and the remaining
twenty-three days he begged me to anyone not to talk about. -
Oh, girls, and I met a fellow ... He immediately set to work:
twenty-three days preparing an experiment that the
twenty-fourth day did not take place for technical reasons.
Missionary spent several years in the African tribe without
any complications with the natives. One day he came to the
leader: - Yesterday, my wife gave birth to twelfth white child.
You're the only one among us is white, it thou hast defiled my
zhenu.Za it Death awaits you!
- The great leader! Look for a clearing in a herd of white
goats wormed one black. But you - all black, but this did not
means that ... - Okay, okay, I kept about you will not say, but
you - molchok!
I first saw an elephant in the jungle naked aborigine and
thought: - How did he get their stuff going?
Old man meets an old woman carrying a bundle of sticks.
- Come on, Grandma, help me! Hoisted a bundle of sticks on his
shoulders and went. They came to the edge of the woods, the old
woman and says: - You helped me, I thanked you for it, I'm a
witch and execute any of your three wishes. What was your first
wish. - Well, firstly, that I had a kick-ass machine "White
Mercedes.
- Okay. You go along the track before turning, and there three
hundred meters right and see a Mercedes. Say second wish.
- I want a two-storey villa with swimming pool and underground
parking! - Be on your way. Sit in your Mercedes, proedesh a
kilometer on a country road and see his villa. Said a third
desire.
- I want my wife a beautiful woman, and that the life of me
dried up. - Okay. Waiting for you in the back of your beauty.
But where you, dear? Stop!
- Well, what else, Grandma?
- I did what you asked, so I have to you a little
please.
- But how can I help you: you're a witch herself all
Can.
- Yes not all - Poimena me goodbye, dear, and I too had
forgotten how it all done! A man thought, frowning:
- A right! That I should. But then - all at my feet.
And he raped his grandmother.
- All right, Granny, we are counting! - And threw himself
headlong at firebreak.
- Wait a minute, dear!
- Well, what do you want?
- A godkov something to you how much?
- Well, thirty-six, but what?
- Oh, you so big, and you believe in fairy tales!
Opened a self-supporting point for the artificial insemination
of humans with the birth of children with pre-planned features.
There comes a lady who pays for the procedure and included in
the study. At the table sits a hefty redneck in a white coat: -
Sit down. Who do you want - girl or boy? - Boy, if you can.
- Can a boy like you want, touches on the shelf tubes,
finds necessary, poured into a glass:
- What growth?
- Slightly above average, if you can.
- Everything is possible. Pours into the glass contents of the
next test tubes: - Hair color?
- Blond.
- So, sir, te-ex, brown, red, blond. Done. To anyone you want,
so that was like?
- At Belmondo.
- So ... Delon, Celentano, Gabin, Bo .. - Bilmando! Stretched
fill the glass woman:
- Now drink it! Lady drinks, and after two or three minutes
falls on the couch and falls asleep. A man, dissatisfied with
undoing pants:
- Bilmando, Bilmando. How to obtain, and succeed.
