Your Horoscopes by Mystic Bogie
Aries 21 March - 20 April
There is fast approaching a period of financial difficulty that
can be easily avoided if you rob a bank or knock off a rich
relative. You need to consider whether diseases that you have
been giving to other people, are really doing as much good as
you hope. If you look carefully, you may find that your
generosity is merely making others hate you.
Taurus 21 April - 21 May
You will have the tendency to get carried away with the moment
and rape a small child, but you should try to put all more of
your energies and emotions into something furry. Take time to
consider the feelings of those you have raped and left for dead,
are they likely to feel rejected and left out? If so, perhaps
you really are simply being led astray by LaesQ at the moment
Gemini 22 May - 21 June
You will be highly motivated to succeed and there will be little
that will be capable of distracting you from the bar and booze.
However, you are in no mood for halfs, only go for pints or
spirits. You will expect and demand that people buy you drinks,
you will be unwilling to buy a round but maybe forced to if a
friend smashes a glass over your head. Bewarned.
Cancer 22 June - 23 July
You may start feeling that you have lost control of your own
reality and that others may appear to be a varied range of
mystical characters, but don't worry, this will just be the LSD
that you have taken. Try to accept that others will be laughing
uncontrollably at you. Perhaps they are not even aware of the
worries they are causing you.
Leo 24 July - 23 August
If you are single, avoid being too nicey nicey with a member of
the opposite sex this week, just bash them over the head and
drag them by the hair to your house (you will be able to take
advantage of them there). You run the risk of being arrested and
miss out on the chance to contract an infectious disease from a
work colleague.
Virgo 24 August - 23 September
You will have fucked everyone you know this week. This will be a
good week to get blow jobs from your friends parents, mother and
father so don't be shy. Let everyone know what you have done and
even more sex could follow
Libra 23 September - 23 October
You will need to try very hard to account for you where abouts
when asked where you have been for the last 3 months. Whatever
you do don't tell the truth about being in prison for touching
up mice. Everyone else's needs and feelings should be ignored,
if you don't, all your carefully made plans could end in death.
You will also find that you easily get bored, try to stick
things up your arse for entertainment. Your life is likely to be
ruined in the future, act surprised when in does.
Scorpio 24 October - 22 November
You will have the tendency to stick your nose in any bodily hole
you can find. Where it is not welcome, a surprise awaits. People
are very likely to simply think that you need help and you may
find that as a result you get taken away by the men in white
coats. This should be easily avoided by you remembering that you
shouldn't penetrate unless you are invited to.
Sagittarius 23 November - 21 December
You could find that you act on impulse a great deal, if you
don't take care to consider the options, you may easily find
that you are unexpectedly in bed with someone of the same sex.
However, you should be in the mood for a great homosexual
relationship, and are unlikely to take much notice of rules,
regulations and insults that will follow from others.
Capricorn 22 December - 20 January
All around you will people trying to kill you, they will have
knives and guns. These people should be avoided at all costs. If
you find it impossible not to avoid them your happy life may be
ended prematurely.
Aquarius 21 January - 19 February
Recently, you have been anally violated and you are probably
still feeling a little confused about this. You will find that
there is an over used condom smouldering away inside you, and
although you are really angry with yourself, you like it! At
work, you will probably find that there are numerous anal
gangbangs - join in!
Pisces 20 February - 20 March
A cock could find it's way into your arse and your life will
involve a change, mainly due to the fact that you contract HIV.
This could be passed around where you work. If the opportunity
arises for you to commit suicide you should jump at it because
you are a no good worthless piece of shit. FUCK OFF!
Bogie^RA ra ra
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